Recommitting and my email to HOH

So HOH and I talked last night and I did end up          getting a spanking for disrespect.  

Today I sent him this email.



I am recommitting myself to you. 

For one I am glad we are back to our DD, D/s, TTWD, LDD, lifestyle.  I do think it's what we need.

I know yesterday I said "no" and that it was off the table.  For that alone I should have received discipline.   I think it's in our contract already.

So from here on out I am giving you "blanket" consent, meaning I am never allowed to tell you that again.  If I do, whatever you decide to do regarding that is in you hands.

Blanket consistent from what I've read online means that I am giving you the right to discipline me in any way you want to or feel appropriate to ensure that I learn to follow rules you have for our family, to adjust my attitude, removing my pride, for snapping back and disrespect (even if I don't think it's disrespect) for raising my voice, for the well being of our family, for the well being of our marriage in that I am submissive to you and there is only one head in our household, for my own health and safety, and that of our family and kids.

With discipline I will submit even if I feel its unjust. Whatever you feel the discipline should be, spanking, corner time, or if the deemed appropriate and I cross a line to the extreme with direct defiance, or such a rotten attitude, or extreme pride, that you feel I need an extreme adjustment then whatever discipline, no matter how humiliating it may be, if you feel it needs to be done to leave a lasting impression, I give my consent to you and will not fight you.  If I do fight you, I know there will be further consequences. Or if I do something over and over again that I keep getting disciplined for and you feel that you need to leave a lasting impression I will submit.   (Even if you decided I was to mouthy in public and you decided to do something about right then and there, I would submit or with having company.  Even if it's the dreaded, horrible, humiliating, worse thing imaginable we have talked about, I will submit because I know it will be done for something that was deserving of it even if at the time I don't agree. Right now being of sound mind and non emotional or mad, I trust you and know you will do whatever you think is best and the punishment will fit the crime)   Even while on my period will with submit to discipline.  I will not throw up any excuses and if I do, it's up to you to decide how to handle it.

All I ask is please be consistent, let me know when you are serious about something so I don't take it as you joking around, and please, please, love on me, protect me, cherish me, and hold me accountable.  With all that being said, I am handing myself over to you.

As you know, I hate being told what to do.  But at the same time I need to be handled.  I need to know that there is someone strong enough physically and mentally, emotionally to handle me.

I love you for you and who you are and I respect you now!   But I feel more loved knowing there are these things in place and that you are taking care of me.

In turn I want you to feel respected, loved, and know I want to do anything for you.  I want you to feel the power you have over me. I am giving myself to you, and I want you to realize what that means. I really, really do. A lot of times it just doesn't come easy for me with being told what to do no matter how much I love you. This you should know.  I'm not saying this is an easy lifestyle because it's not.  Especially starting over again, I know I feel disconnected and have a lot of pride. So I hope this will bring us closer together again.   I hope we can reconnect in the most intimate way.

I want us to have a happy marriage no matter the cost.   Please if you would, let know your thoughts.......

The things we deal with.....

Being in a DD, TTWD, D/s, TiH relationship has its ups and downs. 

I'm not sure what to think or what is going to happen later.

After we started back with DD the other night, I posted that HOH did NOT go easy on me.  I think he is of the mindset now that if he is going to do it, he is going to do it right!

We have company coming and I told him that I feel, if he agreed, that maybe we should do maintenance every night until they get here since we will have other people in the house.

Well the next day that I was suppose to have maintenance (remember the night before hurt like hell) he informed me that it was going to actually be discipline for 2 different things. 

Undressed, on the floor with ass up and legs spread.   He means business this time around! After that corner time.   I told him I think in all of our time having this lifestyle that these were 2 of the worse spankings ever.   There might be one other, but these 2 I feel were the worse.   He told me that he plans on doing them right.

Well the next day I was suppose to receive maintenance, but didn't because we got home really late and so we went to bed.   He informed me that the following day he would be making up for it.

Well yesterday, we got home late, and no maintenance.  I brought it to his attention and he seemed like it wasn't a big deal that he hasn't had the opportunity. 

For me, it makes me mad, and upset.   I can't explain exactly why because while DD is erotic and I think it helps connect us, those last 2 spankings hurt!!   So why am I insisting on it?? 

I guess because I feel like I am offering myself to him, it is a power exchange, and I am trying to follow his rules, and then handing myself to him to punish me for mistakes, breaking rules, but also to protect me.   Why is it we want/need this in our lives when it is humiliating?  I am giving myself to him, taking off my clothes when it's time for discipline and put in a humiliating position and allowing the person I love to beat my butt.   I allow it because I trust him, love him, and I want his protection, and I want to make him happy.  I am not sure any of that makes sense.

So why do I feel let down?  I feel like I have answered my own question but it still doesn't make sense to me.   Why do I want to be in a DD relationship?  Spanking hurt, yet sometimes turn me on even when it is for discipline.   Why do I feel like he should have found a way to go through with maintenance?  (we have kids, so us getting home late is why he didn't do it but I still think he should have found a way)

So anyway I was in a pissy mood last night, and then today he made me mad.  I told him that DD is off the table now.  He told me I was being unreasonable.   Then I told him about last night and maintenance and how it made me feel and he didn't respond.  So later I sent him another text apologizing and all he responded with "It's ok".   So then that made me mad and he said he is working and can't respond, so I told him I was sorry and I guess I should be more understanding.  Guess the reply I got?  Yep,  "Its ok"!  

So here we are!   I have no idea what to think.  

I will post back later with what we decide. 

Later DD Life Style-ers

Jane

We are back!

So we fell off the DD/TTWD/TiH train for a few months.......... we started distancing from each other, and then with no DD, there was more of a lack of connection.

I talked to HOH about it because I know it's what saved us before, because it gives that connection and a feeling of being loved by the wife, and for the HOH that power, being in control which he should be. 

HOH was reluctant at first because he said I would do things on purpose to get spanked before.

So last night we decided it was time to jump back on board.  I thought after a few months he might go easy on me. Wrong!  Oh so wrong!   He wore my butt out!  He remembered exactly what to do and how to do it and what glow he wanted to see.  OUCH!    

I admit that I feel and told him I think it is the right thing for us, and I DO!  However, it's hard  to submit when you feel so unconnected.  It's hard to take off your clothes and bend over to allow someone (even your HOH) to spank you when the two of you are just not connecting, to find that subjection to someone and being put in a vulnerable state.  

When it was said and done, it was for the best as we both agree!  I opened up and talked to him, and we both seem to be on the right track now. 

DD might not be for everybody, but it is for us.   There is a reason why divorces were so low in the 1950s - men had the right and acted on it to take his wife over their knee and give them a good whippin!   Men had the power, and women were in subjection.   If everyone did what they were suppose to and kept their roles then the house ran smooth.  But if something did go wrong, just like with everything in life, there is a consequence. 

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Thoughts on the Draw to Domestic Discipline: Why Do I Want to be Punished?

Interesting article I found somewhere that is so informative! 

This is told by other women who desire DD that it helped them explain to their husbands why they wanted a DD relationship.

  
I think the questions "Why would I want this?” and “What is wrong with me?" are very common among those of us who desire domestic discipline.“Why would I want my husband to spank me?”

“Why would I want to spank my wife?”

Often, we women read about men who are "man enough" to stand up to their Subs, and care about them enough to make them behave, to protect their relationship, and to lead. We read about being dominated and many of us think, "Wow, that sounds kind of hot!" We read about men who have no problem taking their girls over their knees and showing them who's boss. And we think..."I want that." 

We know that Domestic Discipline goes beyond the bedroom. Although many will admit there is an erotic element to DD, we know that it goes deeper than that. And sometimes, we are unsure as to why we would desire such a dynamic to begin with. 

There is peace in submitting to the man you love. Knowing he is in charge and won't let things go astray makes us feel loved. Being spanked is a major display of dominance and submission. Being taken in hand is hot, though being punished still hurts. It's all wrapped up together.

But it's all rooted in our desire to be loved. 

Let's take a look at a typical interaction with the average couple, and the same interaction from the Domestic Discipline perspective.

A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had a long day. She stomps her foot and slams something on the counter. His temper flares. He says some things he may or may not mean. He tells her he's had it, and he storms out of the house. She feels guilty. She feels abandoned. How could someone who loves her just leave like that? He doesn't have to leave the house to have the same effect. Maybe he's cold to her, or won't talk to her. She still has that feeling of being disconnected, abandoned, even unloved. As time goes on...and it could be hours, or longer...she realizes she's behaved terribly, and she feels guilty. She also feels hurt. What an awful end to an awful day. He comes home and they may or may not make up, but there's a bridge between the two of them. She still feels guilty.

Now, let's take a look at the same scenario with Domestic Discipline. A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had an awful day. She finally says something nasty and maybe in a fit of anger she stomps her foot, or slams something on the counter. He calmly and deliberately takes her by the arm, hauls her over his lap, and spanks her soundly. She feels the fight go out of her and has no choice but to submit. She feels humbled. When the fight is no longer in her anymore, he holds her. He tells her he forgives her and loves her. Maybe she feels something in her give way, and she cries. She feels forgiven. She knows he loves her enough to stop the fit, and to restore the peace in their relationship. Later, she thinks about how strong and masculine her husband was, and she realizes not only does she have a new-found respect, but she also finds his manliness more attractive.  

Does she actually like to be spanked? Yes and no. Being punished hurts, and the knowledge that she's done something wrong is uncomfortable. We're not talking about “spanking for fun” here, and this is where many who desire Domestic Discipline become confused. Why would someone choose to be punished?

We desire being taken in hand because we want to feel loved, not because we want to be punished. Those who dominate seek to protect and care for their submissive partner, even when that protection means to protect us from ourselves. We want that intimate connection.

Spanking survey! Interesting!

 

 

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

We hit a bad spot in our marriage that almost left us in a divorce and me and him almost cheating on each other. You see I've always been bossy, and need to have things my way.  I never mean to be selfish, but I stay in control and want to do things a certain way.   However at same time I want to be told what to do, dominated, and have someone take care of me.  At the time my husband didn't do that.  I felt like I could walk all over him, and I did.  I wanted to know there is someone that is bigger, stronger, in control, and can handle my stubborn attitude.  I wanted to know there is someone that will say "No, you can't do that" or "Don't talk to me like that" and wasn't afraid to back it up with a spanking if I didn't listen, even by force if needed if I decided to fight.   I needed and longed for someone that would protect me from everything in this world, including myself, someone that loved me enough.    That is what my Owner/HOH has become! He is not the boy I married, he is now THE MAN I married!  :)
 
2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

 Owner at different times, but mostly his name.  However when he is disciplining me or maintenance he makes sure that I say "Yes Sir" and he repeats and makes sure I acknowledge that he is my owner.

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

My girl, and good girl. (when I'm good)

 4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

Either the belt or the thick wooden spoon he has. 

 5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

I don't need a "reward" because the "reward" is that I have the man I've needed my entire life, and with DD I become the woman (lady, girl) he needs that respects him and it gives our relationship a whole new meaning.  That is our reward.

 6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

He hasn't come up with one yet.  Usually its just a given that I've crossed a line and later I am going to be in the closet, in the garage in the car, or in the basement.

He has started saying "we will talk about this later" jokingly and that is suppose to mean that I will be getting spanked or disciplined in some form.  However he has never acted on that yet.

 7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)
I don't have a spanking bucket list, however I am worried one day he will get a leather belt or bigger paddle, or if I really, really, really cross a line use a non spanking discipline that will totally humiliate me.   (He has said he has no intentions of doing that but nothing is off the table)

 8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

To go with it!  Enjoy it!  Enjoy the reward it brings.  For the Man to be FIRM and consistent!  For the wife to be submissive as hard as it may be.  Believe me, I know!  I get plenty of spankings when we do our "submission exercise" if you will.  

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

I guess in the garage bent over the car?  Not crazy! He has swatted my butt in public kinda playing and kinda being serious.  Kinda embarrassing!  LOL

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?
We are not into BDSM.

 11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Corner time totally nude.  Or when he tells me no panties!  I never thought that wearing no panties at his demand would accomplish anything, but it does.  Sometimes he will tell me no panties just because and there is no reason other than that's what he wants and it keeps me thinking about him. The simple fact of just obeying and submission.  At the same time he has used it as discipline before.  He sent me a text and told me to take my panties off and leave them off until certain chores were done.  To make sure I listened he had me take a picture of my panties that I had taken off. 

 12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

How much closer it would make us.  How it would make me soft, gentle, feminine, submissive and give the respect to my husband he deserves and that I would see him in such control and him being a true MAN!

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

 That I can have a few glasses of wine when I want and not have to ask first.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

I'd choose discipline.  The discipline satisfies an emotional and psychological need of mine, and in turn makes our marriage happier and gives my husband the control he should have in our marriage.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No way. I think it would leave me unsettled and feeling "off."  Even if he messed up and I shot off at the mouth about it, I would expect him to discipline me for disrespect even though he messed up.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

 

The closeness it brings.  I can melt into him.  And of course sometimes, not all the time, we make love and that is really nice.

 17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

Its something I read about many, many years ago and my HOH was not interested at that point.  I don't think he realized that we needed it and I didn't either to the extent we did.  But after we almost ended in divorce I brought it back to his attention and we went for it. 

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

Wooden paddle or belt...it's a toss up.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

I'm not allowed to wear clothes when I'm being disciplined.  He either makes me undress or he undresses me.

 20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

I know you do this because you love me, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you really how much that means to me. Always be firm with me, and don't be afraid to make me cry.  I need your firmness and to know I can not walk all over you.  And if I do you have no issue with beating my butt and if I fight you on it, forcibly spanking me.



*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

I have a few... He has her in a position that she can't fight him on.  You can also see that he has enforced full nudity with the discipline.



 

 

This one because I have been in this position and its quick to strip any attitude and it is effective! It enforces humility really fast!

 

Then this one is my FAVORITE! To me it reminds me how I feel about my HOH after he has disciplined me. (if disciplined the correct way because if I don't have the attitude depicted in the picture then I don't have the RIGHT attitude)  Complete submission for the HOH!

 

 

DD saved our marriage!!!

DD saved our marriage! 

Did it save yours?

We have our bumps in the road, but when we do we have to take step back and refocus.

~Jane

Update on TTWD/DD - Thoughts????

We have been very busy lately. 

 

I have been bratting and owner couldn't do anything about it because of our circumstances we've had.

 

It got to a point the other day that I told him that I was done with DD.   Not a good idea!  By the time he got home, I was a bit more kind and told him I was sorry, and I was.   However, while I craved it, I was also trying to get out of it.

 

Due to the lack of consistency, even though I said I was sorry, he went through with what he said he was going to do. 

 

So in the closet I go, forced to undress and bend over. We don't usually do over the knee because we don't have the space in our closet, so it's me on the floor on my knees bent over. (There are times that we go outside to the car in our garage and use the back seat and I am bent over his knees that way) He usually spreads my legs and this last time told me I could not arch my back which made my butt stand out more which I hated.  5 minutes of spanking!  Then I stand up and he sees I still have an attitude, which I did.  I don't know why!  We figure its because the longer we go without any discipline or just maintenance my attitude returns and I forget or push to take control.  Or its just me simply bratting because I know I need it.

 

 

Because of having an attitude still that meant corner time.  Again this is where we practice submission and take away my pride.  I always end up getting spanked a few times because I can never stay still as he touches me.   Its a form of humiliation, not in a bad way, but in a way of remembering that I belong to him and submit to him and obey. 

 

After awhile of me still moving he had me bent back over and spanking my butt again.  After that I told him I was ready to try and be still and submit.

 

I finally stood still and he told me I was being a good girl and "he wants to inspect what belongs to him."

 

"It might be between your legs but it belongs to me"

 

 

 

We do NOT believe in butt plugs and feel it has no place in a DD life style, even in D/s. Though he has joked about enemas before. Umm, NO!  While I would have no control because he is my owner, I would die of embarrassment and would put up a fight. One time he had me grab my ankles and that was so humiliating, because he had my legs spread and everything in view.   However there are times when I am over his knee (when in the car)  or bent over on the floor he will spread my checks and that is horrible! I always squirm and tell him to quit.  Not a good idea! Humiliating! HATE IT!

 

 

 

For you women out there, do you find that you ever crave, or need to feel your rear red?   Do you find that you need it?  Almost like you need the pain on your rear to feel your owners authority over you? 

 

At times I feel like I need to feel the pain, but its a knowing of my owner taking me and putting me in my place and showing me his authority and controlling me.

 

After reading about some things, I feel like at times I am manipulating him into spanking me.  Bratting! I know I am because I feel its what I need. 

 

I also want him to feel his power, his control over me.  I want him to know that he has complete control over me and enjoy his power and authority over me.  I know he does in some respects because he likes to see my rear RED!  A red bottom is a happy husband!

 

Anyone else feel that way? 

 

~Jane

Thank you all!!!

I want to take a moment and thank you all for your comments here on my page with my blog.  As I'm sure most of you know that its a journey that comes up with many questions.  Is this normal, is that normal?  Should I feel this way?  Is it working? 

At times I doubt it and myself.   At times I'm humiliated, at times I'm mad, and then at other times I feel a closeness to him that is not describable, and at times I crave it and need it.   Sometimes it's confusing!

For us, it has saved our marriage!   We had a bad thing happen a while back and it made us evaluate some things. 

It is something that is so meaningful to use that we are going to make some jewelry (bracelets) that has something on it for each of us to help remind us of our place.   We are going to use some sort of letters that nobody will pick up on and if anyone ask we will tell them its between me and owner.  

I looked all over online and there are not many places that make DD/ Ms jewelry!  

But I wanted to say thank you all for your help and comments along the way and I'm sure I will have more in the months to come. 

Maintenance makes me get an attitude? Anyone else? Looking for answers!

Does anyone find that things are going good then it's time for maintenance and then you get in trouble?  We can have a great day and then it's time for maintenance and then while I am in a humiliating position or getting a spanking I get mad!  When he is done is always asks me how I feel and I get like this......
 

I get an attitude and I don't know why!!! 

From there it is a slippery slope!!!

 

 

After he sees that I am heading down this slippery slope. The picture below describes it.

 

 

 

 

 

Below is the position 95% of the time he has me in when we are in our "spanking area" It's sucks!  It allows him more access to the back of my lower thigh, my sit spot!  He does 

and will and has taken me over his knees and sometime he does for warm up and then I'm in this position. 

 

However he has figured out some new things, new positions that he likes to spank in and is very, very  humiliating!!

"Bend over and grab your ankles"  WTH?  Talk about embarrassing and humiliation!  He will have me just stand there like that.  So embarrassing!  However when I'm in this position I also get a spanking, and then usually followed up by above position to finish up.

While he has started with is this new horrible, humiliating postion in the picture above, he still uses his old fall back of standard corner time.  Naked, legs spread, and hands on the back of my head.  I can't be still in any position and is usually while I get spanked.  I know its a matter of letting go of pride, and dignity and therefore attitude adjustment or just the simple reminder of my place in our family and who runs things, reminding me that I'm his.  For the life of me I can not be still when his hands start moving around or he tells me to be still, yet his hands can move all over me while we are making love. 

 

 I think it has to do again with the pride of being made to do it, obedience and submission and that wooden spoon wondering around my butt!  LOL After a few spankings he will ask me if I want to make him happy and if I'm going to be obedient and submissive and a good girl.  My answer is always YES because I do.   But I always have attitude, always.  Though I can be fine when going in for maintenance its just I get this sudden attitude and pissy.  However, after a few sound spankings for moving, and him turning me around and giving me a fair chance and asking me how I feel, I have a wall up.  He then puts me  back in position or ANOTHER more embarrassing position,  and for some reason at that point, AFTER all that, I START then letting go.  Don't ask why because I don't know why.   Like right now I know I am getting maintenance tonight and it will be spanking and some sort of humiliating position (with everything that comes with being in that position) and I dreading it yet I'm not pissed or mad about it and deep down (though I've already complained to my owner about it and tried to get out of it) I know its needed.   However, I also know that while I'm dreading it now, I will be fine walking into our "discipline area" but the moment he makes me take my clothes off and I get spanked I will get mad and this will take time after time of spanking and humiliation before after awhile something will click and I will be obedient and submissive and do as I'm told. I will let go of my dignity and pride and give it to my owner.   I KNOW he loves me and I think that's why I can do this eventually, its just the initial being pissed off.  Even when I know logically its for the best, I guess its just my natural reaction to put up that wall and give attitude because my butt is hurting and I'm embarrassed.

 

 

Truth be told and I hate to say it, probably what is MOST effective with me is humiliation.  The worse the position, the more effective it is because I lose pride faster and dignity.  The picture below is a position that I think would be the ultimate humiliation. (other than the enemas and "butt" stuff everyone talks about - I would cry so hard of humiliation and embarrassment! )  But grabbing my ankles is pretty close to the below picture and makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide!  But yet so is regular corner time that was described above.  They are all embarrassing! YIKES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spankings are very humiliating also and I think when my butt starts hurting that's when I get mad and get attitude and put up a wall.   He has to spank me several times for me to get in the right frame of mind to except it.  Once I do, I truly do except it.   But he has gone from someone who was scared to spank me with only 4 tiny swats, to beating and reddening my butt and love seeing it red!  He has taken on the attitude in the picture below.  However, on some level I crave them and I know I need them.   I KNOW I do!  Once I have been broken down and I finally submit and let go, it gives me a release and I am so thankful for my owner for keeping up with it.  He knows what's best for me.  He has seen it.   I will admit to at times I have gone back to him and asked him to discipline me again because I didn't accept it the way I should have and that was with submission in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what my loving owner does for me in the picture below. He has to pull back layers, after layers for me to truly submit.  I am getting better in day to day life, I think.   It is a long process and one that is and has paid off but we are constantly learning and I'm sure we will never have it down to an art. 

 

 

 

My owner tells me that when I submit and I'm still and I finally except my maintenance, or discipline or I listen and don't back talk. (or in general just follow rules) that it makes him happy.  He knows its not easy for me and I'm trying.  As I said, I will and have gone back to him and asked for another spanking and corner time so I could submit the correct way, I am willing at times to put myself through another reddening of my butt that is already sore and the humiliation of whatever position he puts me in to accept it the correct way.   That means my submission and putting my full trust in him because I love him and he loves me and takes care of me and protects me.

 

 

 

YET, I still don't understand why I can go in our "spanking area" and I am fine knowing Im getting maintenance (tho dreading it) and then within minutes pissed and mad and I get spanked several times, but after he continues I finally let go and submit to the touching and spankings and I am so grateful to him and feel like I can melt into him.   Logically I know all of this, BUT WHY the initial reaction?  Does anyone else have this issue?

 

~Jane DDLearning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:)

I love my owner

I want to thank my owner for all he does!! 

Long post - rambling

So here I am!  Again!  I hope everyone is doing good!

Over the last week or so I think we figured out that we fit in with not only LDD/ TTWD but also D/s....  

I am the one doing a lot of research on things and my loving owner reads them and applies it as he sees fit. 

He bought a thick spoon about 5 days ago and that spoon hurts!

I got the worse spanking I think Ive ever had a few days ago. I had a bad attitude and was just being disrespectful.  Though I did get all my chores done that day because I knew I was in trouble from the night before.   The closet is usually where I am disciplined in, but he decided we needed more privacy for this spanking.  He told me were going to the basement, and I knew that wasn't good!  He had already told me that I was getting a sound discipline, and again I knew I had it coming.   

We went down to the basement and he told me to strip and took me over his knee and gave me a long hard warm up with the brush.  Then he made me stand up and bend over the chair and then he took his new favorite spanking implement and wore my butt out!   It hurt so bad! 

 Then we came up stairs where I was made to strip again for corner time.    

This is where we practice submission and obedience.  (Submission and obedience is after all what everything stems from in our lifestyle)  I am told to stand still and not move and let him touch me anywhere and however he wants. (Obedience  - "you are going be a good girl and not move? Do you want to make me happy? Then don't move"    Submission - letting go of pride and dignity and letting him touch me where ever and how ever he wants, which also reminds me that I am his)  But if I disobey and squirm even a little I get spanked.   

Well that night while in the corner I got whipped with the belt twice for squirming when he touched me ( yes in vulnerable places  - places that make me lose my pride )   Finally I was able to let go of my pride and let him touch me and belong to him without moving.    When we do this as part of discipline, maintenance, role affirmation, I always end up getting spanked because it takes a lot to let go of that pride and dignity and give it away to my owner.   

Even though I know he loves me and trust him we are living in a world that women are taught that is horrible to "obey" anyone, to have a head of the household and be in submission.  

Are there other ways for submission?  I'm sure there are, but in this kind of situation it is highly effective for us to take away pride and attitude and walls.  Vulnerability needs to set in. 

Spankings hurt and are humiliating!   In our lifestyle we feel and we have seen that humiliation is a big key in DD -D/s loving marriage we have.  To be truly owned you can not have any prideful tendencies as most women do, and having that pride takes you away from submission and in turn obedience. 

My owner also decided the other day due to bring haughty and a bad attitude

(Which I did) that he was going to start using a new position.   I hate, hate it!!!   

A day or so ago I was mouthy and had an attitude again (that's why we have maintenance because I am as most women are, quick to revert back or slip up and usually when I slip up and I'm called out on it, I get mad and it escalates from there) and he pulled me in the closet.  My clothes were removed and the next words out of his mouth horrified me!   "Bend over and grab your ankles" I was shocked and humiliated!  I was resistant but there was no getting out of it.  So I reached down for my ankles then my owner reached down and made me spread my legs.   I was horrified because I was in an embarrassing position, he could see everything and nothing is left to the imagination.  He gave me a few good hard smacks with the spoon and then lectured me about my attitude and that I belong to him.  Then he proceeded with the "submission and obedience" session we do.    

I hate corner time!  (Either in the corner or the new found "bend over and grab your ankles")   It is as embarrassing, if not more embarrassing than when I'm spanked!  Both are horrible, yet understandably needed.   

Being in a truly submissive state makes a woman feel truly like she owned by the man she loves and who loves her.   

Submission either by want or by force IS erotic!  Yes it is discipline, and spankings  hurt badly, its embarrassing and humiliating, and it IS for bad behavior or role affirmation, but regardless of the reason it draws the husband and wife closer.  The husband is SHOWING you his authority of you by his power.  The bond is so much stronger.  I know for any discipline I receive, I hate it and everything that goes with it.  I hate it early on in the day when Ive done something and I know Im getting a spanking and corner time when my owner gets home.  However 99% of the time after Discipline or reinforcement I feel better, I feel closer to my owner.  But by being submissive it draws out more of the woman's softer side, her feminine side, the side of her that is submissive to her owner that she shows respect, obedience, and submission to.  That is what makes it erotic, that closeness you feel and giving yourself over to your owner in heart and body, knowing that he knows you inside and out.   

From my research is not uncommon for women to get "wet" from discipline even when their butt is on fire and they are so embarrassed by the position that are in and they  just want to hide in a hole somewhere.   I know I do and that in of itself is so, so, so humiliating.  My owner can see and feel it and it embarrasses me so much!  He won't let me wipe myself off, he takes a cloth and wipes me because its part of the discipline.   Again, it's part of taking that rotten attitude away, taking that pride away by reminding me that everything I have and my body belongs to him.  Now there is nothing wrong with pride, it just doesn't need to come with attitude and towards your owner.

With all that being said, I am very strong willed, a loud mouth, hard headed and don't listen according to my owner.   I know he has his hands full with me!   You would think with all the spankings and corner time of embarrassment I would learn, it would be a deterrent from my rotten attitude and my sassy mouth.  I think at times it is, because I do think sometimes before I speak, even though he doesn't think so,  but other times I fly off the handle, I don't care and I get this "whatever" attitude.  At that point I realized I crossed a line and I know I'm in trouble so I'm like "so what".  Or one of the biggest things I do, and I don't know how my owner will fix this issue is that I question everything he tells me to do or not do.  Everything!  Plus I grew up in a house and for a good part of our marriage being allowed to get attitude, get my way, be sarcastic, and use a nasty tone of voice, and say what I wanted to say.  There are just some things that are part of my personality.  My owner says he is going to fix that.  LOL 

We have only been with this lifestyle maybe 6 months and hubby went from scared to spank me and backing down from me and my attitude and only giving me 4 little pops with the spoon to a man who has fully embraced this lifestyle, a man who doesn't put up with any crap and gives me to do list that has to be done, rules, and will redden my butt so bad and put me in corner time and shows me his authority over me.  He shows me that I belong to him, and that I'm allowed to be a strong woman with life but when its all said and done all decisions and how things are done, my well-being, and my body is his to do as he wishes.   

For me being a "brat" my entire life, this is taken some getting used to, hence why I always in trouble. (I can't catch a break because if I'm not in trouble for bad behavior, or not showing respect.... So forth and so on.... There is role affirmation of maintenance) 

I wish we would have found this lifestyle early on in our marriage!  It has made us closer! It has made life easier.  You can't have two people running a household.  One has to run it and the other do as they are told to make everything run easier in life.  

New Rules and Owner likes a red bottom

 

 

 

This pictures says a thousand words! 

I think most husbands, once they embrace the DD, TTWD, D/s Lifestyle enjoy seeing our bottoms RED!   The might not like having to do it, but I think they do like judging the color and looking at their "handy" work. 

 

 

 

Whatever the reason, be it because of displeasure, not obeying, back talking, or simply just because they want to,  knowing that it will keep the marriage strong and reminder of who has authority and who is in control they find enjoyment from it in that respect.

 

 

My owner finally put together a new list of rules. 

Not going to be fun!

 

I already know I'm in trouble for today. 

 

As much as I hate it, find it embarrassing, and yet at the same time find it a turn on, (which is embarrassing alone)  I KNOW its needed.  For some reason my body, my brain needs it.  I need the accountability,  someone who is not afraid to stand up to me,  someone is not afraid to say "Ok, get up and go to the closet" for no reason at all and blister my rear!  In my brain it resets me, it is a stress relief, and sometimes I feel like the pain that I feel when I'm being spanked is what gives me that relief!  I think it takes my mind off of things that is bothering me when I'm on overload.

 

DD, TTWD, D/s lifestyle is a wonderful way for us.

 

So while I get what I need (even when I'm trying to talk him out of spanking me) I feel owner gets satisfaction for one spanking me and watching my butt turn red, (when we first started I don't think he liked it that much but as he has fully embraced it, I see it in him) and  two the results that come out of our lifestyle.

 

~Jane DDLearning