Thursday, May 29, 2014

I'm here but don't know what to say........

I'm here and I don't know what to say.

This lifestyle works for us!  Every time we implement it, it works! 

Then somehow we get off track.

When we do I start feeling unbalanced.   I find myself not paying attention to the rules that were ONCE there, and letting my mind wonder and not respecting my HOH as much.  

I don't like this.

I have brought it back up to my HOH but I hate being the one to bring it up.   :(

Does anyone feel the need to have TiH, DD, CDD, LDD lifestyle to feel like you BELONG to your HOH? 

Maybe it's because of some past, recent issues I have been dealing with but I need that foundation, structure, feeling secure and like I belong to someone and they are going to protect me.

I have done so much research on this lifestyle and even though we KNOW it works for us, why can't we stick to it? 

We do good for months and then slip.

I was just about to write an ebook on it to help other couples starting out on this lifestyle, and that is still what I want to do.

With the above questions, how do you feel about the feeling of belonging to him?

~Jane   (Sorry I have been MIA)

Thursday, March 6, 2014

I was 1 1/2 hours late!

I was 1 1/2 hours late.   Yikes!

First off so you can understand what I am talking about.   HOH has a rule that from 10-12 I am to stay off the computer.  

Well yesterday I didn't.   I was 1 1/2 hours late! 

I paid for it with my butt! 

When I told him, I did it Via text.   (LOL - most of you wives out there know that is the easiest way sometimes LOL) 

The text I got back was one I could tell he was upset.

I thought he would be find with me going over since it is a 2 hour block and I think/feel like that 2 hours can be at any time.  

I learned the hard way.

He said his house will run like clockwork one day, and that if he could come home right then he would and whip my butt.    You see I have horrible time management! 

If I am just 1 minute late on something then I get in trouble, so you can see that me being 1 1/2 hours was NOT good!

I was told to remove my panties for the next 2 hours.  Which he knows I hate, and I told him that yesterday because it makes me stay wet and it drives me nuts!

Then when he got home I had to get in the corner and then I got very thoroughly spanked! 

He told me that he is not going by minutes any longer, just by the glow of my butt!  LOL  

So today I am trying really hard to be careful!

Oh yeah, something I forgot and thank goodness HOH let it pass.  I got a ticket the other day for not wearing my seat belt.   When I told him he was right away saying you will get a whipping for that because I tell you to put your seat belt on all the time.    Well,  since this was my very first ticket and ever being pulled over, he let me off the hook.   Thank goodness!     However I know now that even without a ticket, that if I am ever in a vehicle without my seat belt on I am going to be disciplined for it.   


So, that has been my last few days.  

Jane

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

TMI? Also update! :)

So here is a TMI question!  :)

What does your HOH do when you are on your period?

HOHs feel free to way in on this subject.

Does your HOH make YOU write down your rules you broke or issues you and your HOH have discussed that are not acceptable behavior for the week?  If so, is discipline administered all at the same time or does he spread it out over the following week?  Or just lump them all together?

Or does your HOH write them down?

Or does your HOH still discipline you while you are on your period?  (spanking, and corner time, all while naked?)  Or over panties?   Or panties just pulled down slightly?
If so, does he make you still undress?  
What if you are wearing a pad?

What is the standard procedure in your home for how your HOH handles it.

I am curious to see how other HOHs handle this.




On a brighter note, hubby said I was doing so good with my submission exercises but he was going to have to find something else creative to "test" my submission.   YIKES!   But I'm glad that I have been doing good!  I don't think he REALLY meant it, but rather joking around. 

Also, FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY during one of our submission exercises while he was touching me he rubbed/slid his fingers over my ummmhummm 'rear' hole and I was able to stand still.   He did it on 2 occasions during that one submission exercise and I stood still both times.  I am so private about that area, that hole I always claim is mine!  LOL  (Readers who follow my blog know my issues with this!)  After I let him finally touch me there and not move, I felt so much like I belonged to him.   I finally gave every inch of me to him.   Knowing that he touched me there brought me to another place in submission.  I can not put into words how it made me feel.   I was embarrassed while he had his fingers there, but also felt small and vulnerable to him, I felt his power and the fact that he owns every inch of me and it made me love him and want to submit to him even more.   It is a matter of trust.   Before he slid his fingers there he asked me if I trusted him, and I said yes, and he reminded me that he would never do anything to hurt me.    I have to say that was a very powerful moment for me.   It was very embarrassing, intimate, taking of my pride, the most submission I have felt, feelings of vulnerability, the feeling of his presence of power over me, making me feel soft, making me feminine, trusting him with every inch of my body, protected, loved, cherished, and owned.  So many mixed, wild, emotions and feelings from one (ok 2 that time) touch of such an intimate part of the body, and to me being able to stand still and give that over to my husband is the ultimate act of submission and trust.    (That is NOT to say that when he tries it again I will be able to be still, it will take time because it has taken a long time for these submission exercises for me to finally stand still and submit to him, but when I finally stop fighting him on it and let go the feelings is overwhelming, and you feel relieved)

However with that being said, last night when I was getting a spanking for a rule I broke, when he was rubbing my butt to see how hot it was he pulled my checks apart some and I told him to stop, and well, ummmm, not only did he do it again to prove a point, but I also managed to get my butt beat more.  :(    /sigh    Sooooo while I felt very good about the submission exercise, I mean VERY good about it, I guess that is something we still have to work on.    But that submission exercise and letting him finally put his finger there that one night was a huge step in the right place!   Submission all the way!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Tuesday!

~Jane

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Let me clear this up! :)


I believe in old fashioned values. 
 
For me in our marriage this means DD, TiH, TTWD. I used to think we were more D/s.  However, as time goes on and our TiH/DD relationship continues to grow through trial and error, we are finding what works for US, and we are realizing that we have a tendency to lean more towards TiH. But I do think its fair to say that we have a good mixture of all four with what works for us.    They are all about the same in some shape or form, they are all about having a head and being submissive the way we should.
 
Let me be very clear in my next statement.   I do not, and never have, and never will believe in BDSM.   This is my blog so I am voicing my thoughts.   :)     So if you come here to read I want you to know that straight up.  I will never advocate or post things like that here or in the community that I own.
 
I was looking back through my blog and I see some pictures and wording of some blogs that could make it seem we are way more leaning towards D/s.   But that is just not true, so I want to make sure I clear that up. Maybe at one time when finding "us" we did, but now I think we just have a very well rounded TiH relationship that covers a lot of many different things.    In the near future I will probably go back and remove some of those pictures and might even change the wording of some, or delete them all together.  
 
For me this is consensual domestic discipline within the confines of a marriage of a man and woman. 
 
(Below I found from another website and I think it sums it up perfectly!)
 
In today's world this is definitely not politically correct, but today's world isn't in such great shape is it?  What America needs is a full-fledged return to the values and morals this country was founded upon and that made it great.  The time when men were real men and being a submissive wife did not mean she was a doormat.  The strongest woman I know is the one who willingly places herself in subjection to her own husband despite his flaws.
 
So there you go!  
 
Jane
 
 

We test our HOH sometimes to see if they will stand their ground, but sometimes I think we are testing ourselves.

Dear Readers,   (a little different opening, huh? :) )

Most of us women in a DD marriage, (TiH) find at some point or another we test our HOH to see really who is STILL in control.   We want them to stand up to us and not let us walk all over them.

However I was thinking about this also, I believe at times I am really testing myself to see if I will actually submit in the quiet, sweet way that I should. 

There are times that I want to fight him on it. 

The way he has me positioned most of the time is on all fours with my legs spread and butt pushed out some.   I admit that sometimes, more often than not, I start arching my back trying to pull my butt down so it isn't just out there. 

At first its about the pain of the spanking but then at some point during the spanking I tell myself that I need to stop moving and be still and submit the way I should.   Granted this doesn't happen all the time. 

There have been times that after a spanking or corner time that I actually went back and asked him to redo it because I didn't feel like I submitted the way I should have, because I was either moving or giving him a hard time in some form.   The next time he does the repeat I try my hardest to be still and submit 110%!   I try not to move or anything. 

So I do think at times I a testing myself by testing him.    If I test him and he bites back I know what I got coming to me and it is a way for me to see if I am going to submit quietly the way I should.

We have blanket consent so it doesn't really matter, but I want to submit the way I should.  

Just something interesting I thought about and wanted to share. 

Jane


Friday, February 14, 2014

Big trouble tonight!






Hey fellow DDers!

I hope y'all had a wonderful last few days! How is everyone?

Us over on the east coast got slammed with Pax!  Ouch!  But all is well!

Well I am in big trouble tonight.   I really screwed up!  :(   I feel so bad about it!  Last night I sent my HOH a text because I was aggravated saying "what the hell" and he didn't respond to it.   So, I didn't think much of it.  Well, this morning I didn't get up when I was suppose to.   Later in the morning today I get a text saying tonight I have 10 minutes coming, spanking and corner time due to my text last night and not getting up this morning.  :(

So now here I sit dreading and thankful for the discipline I have coming.  It is deserved, but I dread it also.   :(

I sent him a text about how sorry I was/am and I will submit (obviously) to anything and everything because I deserve it and have it coming.   I can't wait to get the slate clean and we can have a good weekend.

Jane

Monday, February 10, 2014

Lets talk........................

Lets talk maintenance.

What are your thoughts on it?  What do you and your HOH do for maintenance if you do it?

Occasionally we do maintenance, however I personally think it should be done more often to keep me in a better frame of mind.   I know there are some cons to doing it but personally I feel the pros out number the cons.  HOH does it when he feels the need.  I personally feel it should be done more just because I know how I feel. 

I feel it serves so many good purposes, even though I hate it at the same time.   Sounds like I'm speaking out of both sides of my mouth, huh?   Yes spank me and put me in my place, but I hate it also.  Yes, put me in corner time and help me stay submissive, but don't touch me!   Crazy, huh? 

BDSM I/We have NO, NONE whatsoever of any interest in that.    We are firmly DD, TiH, CDD, and at times, though not often D/s with just the way some things come up.  

I feel that maintenance is a reminder to stay submissive, to remind me who is in charge, role affirmation.   If not attitude sneaks up and then I end up with discipline.   I think a few times a week is good, even if there is discipline involved, well then you have both because you knew it was maintenance, yet you earned discipline from not listening or breaking rules or sassing/talking back.

I think by nature us women have a need and want to be submissive to a powerful, strong man that can handle us.  However we need constant reminders/role affirmation because in this society we are taught so differently!   "Women stand up to your husband"  -  "Women you are equal to your husband" - "Women don't let anyone tell you what to do" - "Women pitch a fit to get what you want"  those are the things we hear or see on TV shows, commercials or even in various households among family and friends.

I feel maintenance should cover both a spanking and corner time.   Of course a less amount of time with each since it is just maintenance, but that is my views on it.   However at times my maintenance does turn to discipline.   So I dunno!  

Thoughts?   What do you do in your marriage?   I have already addressed this some in a few emails to other DDers.

HOH feels a bit differently about this than I do. 

 
 
Also, as I have mentioned in a few emails to other DDers.   What do you do if your HOH is not strict enough?   I'm not saying my HOH is not strict enough by any means!  LOL   (HOH if you are reading this which I know you do sometimes - YOU are strict!  LOL  I ♥ You)   I'm curious to see how you ladies handle that?  HOH makes the rules, but does he enforce them without any slack?  Do you wish he was stricter?  Or was firmer?
 
 
 
What other things does your HOH do for discipline? Or Role Affirmation to keep you in a submissive state? 
 
 
We have done:
 
Spanking of course
Corner time
Corner time always has submission exercises
Writing lines
No panties for the day
A few times disciplining  me in a different position that exposes more than I would like
 
Ok!   Hugs to all my DDers!  
 
Jane
 
PS
If you do not agree with any of the above, that is more than fine.   Please refrain from posting ridiculous comments here.  If you don't agree you may simply put that but you don't need to go into the personal attacks because that is just not called for.    Thanks!
 



Sunday, February 9, 2014

Did you have a good weekend?

First thing first!  I want to thank the few of you that have sent me some very kind helpful emails!   :)   I will be responding soon!

I hope your family has had a fabulous weekend.   We did!

Sadly tomorrow is Monday and HOH has to go back to work. :(

Question, do any of your write poetry?  I am working on one about DD life.  I will post it when it's done.   I am going to be including it in the ebook!

We have company coming over in a bit and hubby has already threatened to take me back to our bedroom and spank me if I get to a point that he doesn't like.  Yikes!!    Well, that ain't going to happen!  Ha!  I'm not getting in trouble and take the chance of them hearing!

Well, another beautiful weekend!  

((Hugs))

Jane

Thursday, February 6, 2014

I am dreading tonight. :(

I am so dreading tonight!

As I posted below I have 5 or 7 minutes, I can't remember of a spanking and corner time.   :(

It amazes me how far we have come with this lifestyle and it just being the normal. 

It went from a few swats with a small, thin wooden spoon, to minutes and minutes of me on all 4 getting my rear wore out with a thick wooden spoon or whip thingy, or his belt.   He has gone from barely tapping my rear with that small spoon in the beginning to the point of seeing my butt glow because he knows why he is doing it, and lets just say he doesn't swat anymore.  He wears my butt out!  The rear is a place meant for spankings and he doesn't hold back that much.   

Plus the dreaded corner time I posted about below.  :(

Tonight is going to be horrible!   :(    But I will submit and I know I have it coming.   I also know he loves me and he is doing it out of love and after we will snuggle and watch TV together with the HOH who protects me, loves me, and will not let me run all over him.   My man who takes charge and is not afraid to put me in my place. 

I love him so much!   (But dreading tonight's discipline!)

I will post back tomorrow!

~  Jane




Saturday, January 11, 2014

Help? Suggestions? Addiction?

So finally all my discipline spanking and corner time is over!!   Phew!!

That's was a rough discipline!

I made something for hubby so that shouldn't happen again.   I will post a picture of it later, but it's quiet and hurts!  :(    But I really don't like discipline dragging out.

Question - do any of you/or have any of you had a drinking addiction?  If so, is there a way DD can help?   I do have an addiction to alcohol and trying to control it.  Any suggestions where DD can help? HOH told me to do some research on it.  It is an addiction and I want to break it.

Can DD help? More spankings? Different discipline? Things that are humiliating to enforce that I need to break this addiction?  I dunno!  We are open to suggestions.

Jane

                                                      Should this be our answer??





Wednesday, January 8, 2014

So we meet again wooden spoon!

Well HOH caught me coming out of the shower still wet and I got 6 minutes with the thick wooden spoon.     After it was done he asked me to do something and I told him no, (why did I do that??? I mean I was still standing here naked!!!) and he told me to bend over for another minute with the spoon! He wanted me to come look at my butt to enforce the discipline but I didn't want to.     Tonight is another 6 minutes and Thursday is 7 minutes.    I don't mean to be disrespectful - it just happens! Right now I'm being disciplined big time for being very disrespectful a few days back!  I got to learn to keep mouth in check! 

Sore bottom,
Jane


 
 
 

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Long blog, sorry.

So I posted a few days ago about what was coming up today, "the big spanking" for disrespect. He wanted to wait on Tuesday (today) because of my period.  Well I talked to HOH a few days ago and asked him if he would please break it up over a few days, and he said he would think about it.   He finally told me that he would break it up for me. That disrespect the other day earned me 21 minutes, and not an easy 21 minutes. (that's not including anything I might get in trouble for)  He told me I wouldn't be able to sit for a week.   (That was when he was going to do it all on Tuesday.)

Plus, this spanking has been coming for a few days from when I acted disrespectful, and I feel bad for the disrespect.  It has just been lingering over my head, I felt/feel bad, and I needed to submit.  I needed some sort of discipline to start easing the guilt for my actions, to show him that I respect him and his power over me.  So I sent him some text messages explaining that.  I told him I would submit to any discipline action, no matter how humiliating and to please not wait until Tuesday. 

So last night I was working out and wasn't home, and that part was fine.  However we also had unexpected/expected (at the last minute) company last night.  So I come home, still sweaty and my back end cold and instantly he takes me into the other room and knew it was for some sort of discipline.  I kept telling him I needed a shower first and he said he knew that.  That didn't stop him, because of my text messages  and also due to the circumstances of having company, he was going to go through with giving me some sort of discipline. Which I am grateful to him for.   He told me to pull down my pants and panties ( because of limited time he didn't make me fully undress) and bend over.  (which I did, there was something in front of me to grab)  He took that wooden spoon and for 2 minutes gave me a good, hard, solid, deserved spanking. I think about 30 seconds into it I was crying because it hurt.  I kept reminding myself that it was deserved and it was for my disrespect and he didn't deserve that from me and that this is some of my discipline for it.  

So that took 2 minutes off of my 21 so far for the week.  So if I can manage to keep my mouth shut and follow the rules I have 19 minutes left for the disrespect.  

I have to say that I truly, with all my heart, love our DD, TiH, TTWD lifestyle/relationship.

It changes who each of us are in our relationship.  He is more dominant now than ever, (even before we fell off the wagon for a few months and restarted a few weeks ago) and I am more submissive and each day we are growing more and more into our roles.    We know our roles, we know who we are in our marriage.   It makes for a peaceful household, but also makes up so much more closer.

Yes, should I be submissive anyway?  Do I need the threaten of a spanking or whatever humiliating discipline he comes up with to "fit the infraction?"  Do I need this lifestyle to respect him?   The answer to these questions are yes, and no.

Yes I want to be submissive, but no its not easy.  Today we live in a world that women have to act equal and we simply are not.   That doesn't mean we are "lower" or a doormat, it means that the HOH  makes the rules and we abide by them.   

Do I need a threaten of a spanking?  Yes.  Because again we live in a world that forces it down your  throat to not answer to anyone.  So yes I need the threat of a spanking or some sort of discipline to keeps me in check reminding me that I do have someone to answer to, and that is my HOH.   I know my husband loves me enough to make sure that happens. 

I respect my HOH with or without this lifestyle.   However, my respect for my HOH grew by leaps and bounds when we started this lifestyle a year ago.  Then when we fell off the wagon for a couple of months, it was still there but not as strong, but still there nonetheless.   Now that we are back full force with our lifestyle, and that respect for him as a man, my owner, the HOH is deeper and stronger than it has EVER been.  

I love him more and more, and feel closer to him than ever.  I am his, and he takes care of me.  He loves me for everything that I am, and I love him!   I am not easy to handle, I am strong willed, sarcastic, and sassy, so his job is not easy, but he does it. 

So tonight it's 5-7 minutes of spanking for just that, and I hope I don't get into any other trouble or it will be longer, and this time we don't have any company so I know it will be worse.  I know it will be the entire spanking process, undressing and getting into position. 

While I am dreading it big time, (so dreading it)  I am also thankful for it because I want this discipline to go away along with that episode of horrible disrespect.  Once the final 21 minutes is over this week then I can stop feeling guilty about acting horrible to my HOH........until next time I run off at the mouth. 

I am the sort of person that runs off at the mouth first before thinking and that is what gets me in trouble, along with time management.    With that being said, I need to close out this blog before I get into more trouble. 

~Jane

Friday, January 3, 2014

What a way to start off the year!

What a way to start the year off! Recently I've gone through a bad event in my life, well I've been short with HOH, and I also started my period which makes me snappy.

Last night he said something in I thought was a mean manner, and I sent him a few text messages that I should not have sent. At the time I knew, but didn't really care because I was pissed off at him. This morning I apologized and he took my apology. I told him that if he considered my text as disprect I would understand.

Well I got an answer back saying that it was disprectful and he also addressed some other things he didn't like that I have been doing. He said when my period is over there will be some consequences.

I know I am in for a hard spanking because his spanking since we recommited to this lifestyle, (as with many, at times you get thrown off with things in life and that's what happened to us and it did cause a lack of connection) have been harder than they were this entire past year. I told him that and he said that since we are in this lifestyle together he is going to make sure he spanks me right. Even his maintence spankings have got a lot harder. So I know next Tuesday I am in for it, BAD.

Now, I just need to make sure that I don't break any rules and I am 100% respectful and nothing else is added onto that. When he spanks me he will stop for a moment and say that was for X,Y, and Z, now this next one is for X, Y, and Z. So they add up!

Any advice to help me through what I think is going to be my worse spanking yet?



I don't know why he is spanking me so much harder now. He said it was because he wanted to spank me right, I guess to make sure I get it through my head and if he is going to do it that he is going to do it right. (he also said that)

Even yesterday I was smarting off a little bit to him while we were in the bathroom and he said "you just don't learn" and grabbed the spoon and swatted my butt a few good hard times.

I guess now for the first time he is really more than ever stepping up to this lifestyle. While he did before, this time it seems to be different. Even just having that small set back for a month or two, for the whole year before that he wasn't as strict as he is being now.

But I must say I am thankful for his new attitude! I told him this is what I wanted and needed from him, and I guess he can see it. I need a man who is not afraid of me and my strong personality. Someone I can't walk all over, someone that won't take crap from me and will hold me accountable, someone who loves me enough to take me in hand and discipline me for breaking rules or to keep us connected. Someone who is willing to take the lead in his household, and make sure I don't try to overstep him and keep me submissive.




Some of us as women with the world we live in seem to think we are equal to men, and we are not. God made it so that men would take care of us and put them in charge of the household, and women to be a compliment to the husband. When a wife steps out of line, or needs an attitude adjustment, I think any husband should be able to take his wife, because they love each other, and set her straight for the peace of the household, his household however he sees fit. A punishment, (discipline) that fits the "crime". My HOH never talks down to me, we do talk about decisions that are made, but in the end it is his final say in what will happen, as it should be. You can not have two people running a household, it just won't work. There will be a power struggle, and how would that work with having peace in the household? It won't.

Have a happy Friday!

~Jane






Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Ideas?

So HOH glanced at the email but didn't read it in detail.  He said once he does we will talk about it but what he did see he agrees with.

He has been saying he wants to buy a proper paddle.  Where is the best place to get one?