Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Embarrassment and humiliation??? Anyone else? Erotic but yet discipline?
It has been awhile since I've posted here! I hope everyone is doing great!
Things have been going well! We have stayed on the DD path most of the time, but at times have had to put it on the back burner due to family issues that didn't allow us to do practice DD.
When that happened we can/could really tell a big difference in our marriage!
Recently we have had some long talks about getting our schedules back on track and making sure DD is well and alive in our marriage because it brings us so much closer!
Maybe you all can help me out with a few questions I have that I have also asked my dear owner about.
What is the difference between DD and D/s?
For some reasons while DD is painful, VERY painful and I don't want it, there is another part of me that does and that part finds it erotic. Sometimes the spankings hurt so badly I can't keep still and I'm crying but yet sexual turned on? Does anyone else have that issue? Or know why?
Which brings me to this next question when I'm being disciplined, corner time, in humiliating positions to help humble me or knock a chip off my shoulder, again I hate it because its so embarrassing, but it turns me on? An example of this was recently dear owner had already spanked me and it wasn't enough, so I had to go in the closet and take off all my clothes and get on all 4 and he spread my legs and he spanked me. To assert his authority he would rub on my bottom and I'm not suppose to move to show submission. (not in a sick way - but in a way to make him know that I am submitting and I'm his and I'm not going to fight him.) The reason for this is because that is a humiliating position and it reduces my attitude and takes away pride that I am carrying around. (for me it works because when I tell him to stop or I squirm I get spanked more but usually by the time I not fighting him my attitude is gone and I'm in a better mood and very submissive) For me it works because its so embarrassing because he can see everything and I can't move because its in the middle of discipline. However what is embarrassing about it also is that it is making me "wet" and him feeling that or seeing that is embarrassing and humiliating. Does that happen to anyone else? Don't get me wrong, I hate it because of the embarrassment but it does work for my attitude or reminding me that I am his wife and my role in our marriage and who has authority.
That also goes for corner time. I have to stand there either naked or with my panties down and occasionally he will come up and touch me and if I move or say stop and swats my butt a few times really hard, and he will come back later and he tries again and I finally submit and by that time my attitude is gone and I am in back where I need to be and I feel like a better person. Embarrassing! So embarrassing but yet it also makes me "wet" and its so humiliating that my dear owner sees this and feels this.
*Please keep in mind that hubby only does these things because he has seen that it is what works with me. When I have an attitude or need our roles reaffirmed, it takes the embarrassment and humiliation to bring me down, along with spankings.
Is this degrading to what DD is about? TTWD? LDD? Does this happen to other women?
Or does this qualify as D/s?????
Thank you all so much for your support and answers that are to come! I love it that I have a place I can come and blog and talk freely about these things! Thank you!