Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Maintenance makes me get an attitude? Anyone else? Looking for answers!

Does anyone find that things are going good then it's time for maintenance and then you get in trouble?  We can have a great day and then it's time for maintenance and then while I am in a humiliating position or getting a spanking I get mad!  When he is done is always asks me how I feel and I get like this......

I get an attitude and I don't know why!!! 

From there it is a slippery slope!!!

After he sees that I am heading down this slippery slope. The picture below describes it.
Below is the position 95% of the time he has me in when we are in our "spanking area" It's sucks!  It allows him more access to the back of my lower thigh, my sit spot!  He does 
and will and has taken me over his knees and sometime he does for warm up and then I'm in this position. 


However he has figured out some new things, new positions that he likes to spank in and is very, very  humiliating!!

"Bend over and grab your ankles"  WTH?  Talk about embarrassing and humiliation!  He will have me just stand there like that.  So embarrassing!  However when I'm in this position I also get a spanking, and then usually followed up by above position to finish up.

While he has started with is this new horrible, humiliating postion in the picture above, he still uses his old fall back of standard corner time.  Naked, legs spread, and hands on the back of my head.  I can't be still in any position and is usually while I get spanked.  I know its a matter of letting go of pride, and dignity and therefore attitude adjustment or just the simple reminder of my place in our family and who runs things, reminding me that I'm his.  For the life of me I can not be still when his hands start moving around or he tells me to be still, yet his hands can move all over me while we are making love. 
 I think it has to do again with the pride of being made to do it, obedience and submission and that wooden spoon wondering around my butt!  LOL After a few spankings he will ask me if I want to make him happy and if I'm going to be obedient and submissive and a good girl.  My answer is always YES because I do.   But I always have attitude, always.  Though I can be fine when going in for maintenance its just I get this sudden attitude and pissy.  However, after a few sound spankings for moving, and him turning me around and giving me a fair chance and asking me how I feel, I have a wall up.  He then puts me  back in position or ANOTHER more embarrassing position,  and for some reason at that point, AFTER all that, I START then letting go.  Don't ask why because I don't know why.   Like right now I know I am getting maintenance tonight and it will be spanking and some sort of humiliating position (with everything that comes with being in that position) and I dreading it yet I'm not pissed or mad about it and deep down (though I've already complained to my owner about it and tried to get out of it) I know its needed.   However, I also know that while I'm dreading it now, I will be fine walking into our "discipline area" but the moment he makes me take my clothes off and I get spanked I will get mad and this will take time after time of spanking and humiliation before after awhile something will click and I will be obedient and submissive and do as I'm told. I will let go of my dignity and pride and give it to my owner.   I KNOW he loves me and I think that's why I can do this eventually, its just the initial being pissed off.  Even when I know logically its for the best, I guess its just my natural reaction to put up that wall and give attitude because my butt is hurting and I'm embarrassed.
Truth be told and I hate to say it, probably what is MOST effective with me is humiliation.  The worse the position, the more effective it is because I lose pride faster and dignity.  The picture below is a position that I think would be the ultimate humiliation. (other than the enemas and "butt" stuff everyone talks about - I would cry so hard of humiliation and embarrassment! )  But grabbing my ankles is pretty close to the below picture and makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide!  But yet so is regular corner time that was described above.  They are all embarrassing! YIKES!
Spankings are very humiliating also and I think when my butt starts hurting that's when I get mad and get attitude and put up a wall.   He has to spank me several times for me to get in the right frame of mind to except it.  Once I do, I truly do except it.   But he has gone from someone who was scared to spank me with only 4 tiny swats, to beating and reddening my butt and love seeing it red!  He has taken on the attitude in the picture below.  However, on some level I crave them and I know I need them.   I KNOW I do!  Once I have been broken down and I finally submit and let go, it gives me a release and I am so thankful for my owner for keeping up with it.  He knows what's best for me.  He has seen it.   I will admit to at times I have gone back to him and asked him to discipline me again because I didn't accept it the way I should have and that was with submission in my mind.
This is what my loving owner does for me in the picture below. He has to pull back layers, after layers for me to truly submit.  I am getting better in day to day life, I think.   It is a long process and one that is and has paid off but we are constantly learning and I'm sure we will never have it down to an art. 
My owner tells me that when I submit and I'm still and I finally except my maintenance, or discipline or I listen and don't back talk. (or in general just follow rules) that it makes him happy.  He knows its not easy for me and I'm trying.  As I said, I will and have gone back to him and asked for another spanking and corner time so I could submit the correct way, I am willing at times to put myself through another reddening of my butt that is already sore and the humiliation of whatever position he puts me in to accept it the correct way.   That means my submission and putting my full trust in him because I love him and he loves me and takes care of me and protects me.
YET, I still don't understand why I can go in our "spanking area" and I am fine knowing Im getting maintenance (tho dreading it) and then within minutes pissed and mad and I get spanked several times, but after he continues I finally let go and submit to the touching and spankings and I am so grateful to him and feel like I can melt into him.   Logically I know all of this, BUT WHY the initial reaction?  Does anyone else have this issue?
~Jane DDLearning


  1. Yes, maintenance spankings are very important in a 'domestic discipline' marriage. Your husband by giving you such spankings, each week lets you know, he will not tolerate such misbehaviors on your part. So up must go your dress, and down must come your panties, in order for him to spank that voluptuous, luscious, naked rear end of yours. And I also agree with him, that cornertime, before and after a spanking he gives you is certainly justified by him.

    1. What I was saying is that I can be acting fine and understand maintenance - but once we are in the act of it - it usually turns to discipline b/c I get mad/attitude or a wall goes up and I can't figure out why. I'm thinking its because my butt is hurting and I get mad LOL. Or standing in that position makes me mad...... Because its so embarrassing, I wish I could understand why I can go from fine to an attitude so fast during maintenance???? Any ideas?

    2. Thank you for your response by the way. :)

  2. While it seems from what you say that you eventually come around to feeling the benefits of maintenance, your post is nevertheless a good illustration of the fact that DD is a very individual thing in which standard 'text book' reactions to standard 'text book' actions cannot be guaranteed.

    My advice would be to step back from what appears to be your current view of maintenance as a scheduled 'must do', look beyond the concept that acceptance and an understanding of what it is (officially) "supposed" to achieve is enough, and decide what it means to you personally. Only then can you adapt it so that it meets your individual needs and achieves something positive, relevant and helpful to you and your unique relationship.

    To give some examples of the downsides of doing it without tangible rhyme or reason, I once read separate posts by a husband and wife on the subject of maintenance. While it was clear that both understood the theory behind it, she spoke of it as a kind of necessary evil that merely had to be "endured" but seemed to have no point, while he was under the clearly false impression that it was producing feelings of submission within her. In other cases, people have talked about how it felt like just another chore that had to be done, or as something that creates a not very healthy dependency.

    The upside seems to come when it is really used as a tool to 'maintain' the needs of the individual couple. This doesn't necessarily involve regularity or scheduling and it can be done in response to some non disciplinary need, or as a one-off 'course' to address some persistent and repetitive need. Nor does it have to follow any 'standard' pattern (for example, 'standard' corner time) since it needs to be designed and tailored to meet the actual needs of the moment.

    At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you've been told is the "right" thing to do in a DD relationship and it doesn't matter what you've heard that this or that is "supposed" to achieve. The only thing that matters is that, whatever you do and however often you do it, maintenance, like everything from 'rules', through degrees of severity when spanking, to the form of after-care and/or reconnection you choose to use after the spanking 'event', are geared specifically to the needs of *your* relationship and have relevant, tangible and positive results *for you* as a couple.

    If it's any help at all, if you email me at the address shown in my profile I can offer you a list of (not necessarily mutually exclusive) reasons why people might use maintenance.


  3. Well here is just my unsolicited observation and I could be way off base here, but you did mention humiliation several times in this post. That may very well be why you are angry with maintenance? I know every couple deals with things in different ways so this is only an outsider looking in. I don't pretend to know the workings of your relationship, so please take no offense.

    There is no humiliation factor for me during maintenance and I still get angry right before. I believe it is because my adrenaline starts to flow, as I am preparing for the pain that is about to happen. I think the anger is a pain defense mechanism. Perhaps that is what is happening to you too?

  4. Wow! Thank you both!!!!! Both of you have helped so much in your comments!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!


  5. Here's an approach from a different perspective. Although my wife and I don't use maintenance spankings, I do know women go through a predictable progression of stages when being spanked.

    Each of those stages builds to a climax, after which comes a complete collapse. If the spanking is not carried through to completion, then, the woman is left hanging.

    In this regard, sex is a useful analogy. Imagine getting brought to the point of almost having an orgasm before the stimulation stops. This, by the way, is why vibrators were originally invented to treat what Victorians knew as female hysteria. After being allowed to have an orgasm in a doctor's office, although it was never quite called that, the woman's symptoms were relieved and she felt better.

    Forget red bottoms. The primary purposes of spanking is to get out a woman's frustrations and open her mind. In order for this to happen, most women have to resist and be overcome.

    A woman's resistance may start out as protests or being uncooperative. Then, she may try to physically interfere by trying to protect her precious bottom or distraction.

    Meanwhile, inside, an often silent rage is building. As a result, the untamed woman may use profanity or hurl accusations.

    As some point, if spanking continues for an extended period to time, both the woman's physical and psychological defenses collapse. Quite literally, if the woman is over a man's lap, he can feel this happen.

    Upon passing the climax of a spanking, the woman becomes completely and totally submissive. Both figuratively and literally, she has been broken over the man's lap!

    Now, this doesn't occur through merely beating the woman into submission. Rather it is achieved through understanding the woman. This really is more art than science.

    Every woman responses best to a certain tempo of spanking. That specific timing resonates with her internal rhythm. Most of the time, it is more rapid than most men spank. Yet some variation of there in all women.

    Experienced mothers are usually fairly good at finding it in their older daughters within the first half dozen licks. They know it when their girls begin responding appropriately to being spanked.

    The daughter isn't overreacting. Nor is she stoic. Instead, she is experiencing genuine pain. This is something than cannot be faked. It is totally involuntary.

    Just like mothers with their daughters, husbands need to find the right rhythm for their wives. Usually, this can only be done through trial and error. If the wife's response is either exaggerated or insufficient, then the solution is usually to spank a little harder. Finding the correct rhythm can be a little more difficult.

    For some women, it is best to let the spanks sink it. Others respond better to a blistering speed. Likewise, some implements are better for suited for different rhythms. While a hairbrush is usually best suited for rapid spanking, a belt typically is better suited for proceeding at a more leisurely pace.

    The single biggest mistake a man can make is not getting the woman past her indignation. Doing so invites power struggle. She's learned she can win.

    Regardless of the combination used, by the time the spanking is concluded, the woman should be completely drained of her anger, frustration, and resistance. Quite often, it will show in her face. Even her body language should signal submission.

    By the way, this is why woman lubricate when spanked. Although often confused with eroticism, it is a signal of submission. This may be why spanking was the first fertility treatment.

    Disciplinary spanking is about opening a woman's mind rather than turning her butt red! Once spanked, the woman and her husband are of one mind. His thoughts are her thoughts.

    As a result, the woman will hear everything her husband has to say. His desire is her command. This is how marriages get turned around for the better.