I'm here but don't know what to say........

I'm here and I don't know what to say.

This lifestyle works for us!  Every time we implement it, it works! 

Then somehow we get off track.

When we do I start feeling unbalanced.   I find myself not paying attention to the rules that were ONCE there, and letting my mind wonder and not respecting my HOH as much.  

I don't like this.

I have brought it back up to my HOH but I hate being the one to bring it up.   :(

Does anyone feel the need to have TiH, DD, CDD, LDD lifestyle to feel like you BELONG to your HOH? 

Maybe it's because of some past, recent issues I have been dealing with but I need that foundation, structure, feeling secure and like I belong to someone and they are going to protect me.

I have done so much research on this lifestyle and even though we KNOW it works for us, why can't we stick to it? 

We do good for months and then slip.

I was just about to write an ebook on it to help other couples starting out on this lifestyle, and that is still what I want to do.

With the above questions, how do you feel about the feeling of belonging to him?

~Jane   (Sorry I have been MIA)

I was 1 1/2 hours late!

I was 1 1/2 hours late.   Yikes!

First off so you can understand what I am talking about.   HOH has a rule that from 10-12 I am to stay off the computer.  

Well yesterday I didn't.   I was 1 1/2 hours late! 

I paid for it with my butt! 

When I told him, I did it Via text.   (LOL - most of you wives out there know that is the easiest way sometimes LOL) 

The text I got back was one I could tell he was upset.

I thought he would be find with me going over since it is a 2 hour block and I think/feel like that 2 hours can be at any time.  

I learned the hard way.

He said his house will run like clockwork one day, and that if he could come home right then he would and whip my butt.    You see I have horrible time management! 

If I am just 1 minute late on something then I get in trouble, so you can see that me being 1 1/2 hours was NOT good!

I was told to remove my panties for the next 2 hours.  Which he knows I hate, and I told him that yesterday because it makes me stay wet and it drives me nuts!

Then when he got home I had to get in the corner and then I got very thoroughly spanked! 

He told me that he is not going by minutes any longer, just by the glow of my butt!  LOL  

So today I am trying really hard to be careful!

Oh yeah, something I forgot and thank goodness HOH let it pass.  I got a ticket the other day for not wearing my seat belt.   When I told him he was right away saying you will get a whipping for that because I tell you to put your seat belt on all the time.    Well,  since this was my very first ticket and ever being pulled over, he let me off the hook.   Thank goodness!     However I know now that even without a ticket, that if I am ever in a vehicle without my seat belt on I am going to be disciplined for it.   


So, that has been my last few days.  

Jane

Big trouble tonight!

Hey fellow DDers!

I hope y'all had a wonderful last few days! How is everyone?

Us over on the east coast got slammed with Pax!  Ouch!  But all is well!

Well I am in big trouble tonight.   I really screwed up!  :(   I feel so bad about it!  Last night I sent my HOH a text because I was aggravated saying "what the hell" and he didn't respond to it.   So, I didn't think much of it.  Well, this morning I didn't get up when I was suppose to.   Later in the morning today I get a text saying tonight I have 10 minutes coming, spanking and corner time due to my text last night and not getting up this morning.  :(

So now here I sit dreading and thankful for the discipline I have coming.  It is deserved, but I dread it also.   :(

I sent him a text about how sorry I was/am and I will submit (obviously) to anything and everything because I deserve it and have it coming.   I can't wait to get the slate clean and we can have a good weekend.

Jane

Did you have a good weekend?

First thing first!  I want to thank the few of you that have sent me some very kind helpful emails!   :)   I will be responding soon!

I hope your family has had a fabulous weekend.   We did!

Sadly tomorrow is Monday and HOH has to go back to work. :(

Question, do any of your write poetry?  I am working on one about DD life.  I will post it when it's done.   I am going to be including it in the ebook!

We have company coming over in a bit and hubby has already threatened to take me back to our bedroom and spank me if I get to a point that he doesn't like.  Yikes!!    Well, that ain't going to happen!  Ha!  I'm not getting in trouble and take the chance of them hearing!

Well, another beautiful weekend!  

((Hugs))

Jane

What a way to start off the year!

What a way to start the year off! Recently I've gone through a bad event in my life, well I've been short with HOH, and I also started my period which makes me snappy.

Last night he said something in I thought was a mean manner, and I sent him a few text messages that I should not have sent. At the time I knew, but didn't really care because I was pissed off at him. This morning I apologized and he took my apology. I told him that if he considered my text as disprect I would understand.

Well I got an answer back saying that it was disprectful and he also addressed some other things he didn't like that I have been doing. He said when my period is over there will be some consequences.

I know I am in for a hard spanking because his spanking since we recommited to this lifestyle, (as with many, at times you get thrown off with things in life and that's what happened to us and it did cause a lack of connection) have been harder than they were this entire past year. I told him that and he said that since we are in this lifestyle together he is going to make sure he spanks me right. Even his maintence spankings have got a lot harder. So I know next Tuesday I am in for it, BAD.

Now, I just need to make sure that I don't break any rules and I am 100% respectful and nothing else is added onto that. When he spanks me he will stop for a moment and say that was for X,Y, and Z, now this next one is for X, Y, and Z. So they add up!

Any advice to help me through what I think is going to be my worse spanking yet?

I don't know why he is spanking me so much harder now. He said it was because he wanted to spank me right, I guess to make sure I get it through my head and if he is going to do it that he is going to do it right. (he also said that)

Even yesterday I was smarting off a little bit to him while we were in the bathroom and he said "you just don't learn" and grabbed the spoon and swatted my butt a few good hard times.

I guess now for the first time he is really more than ever stepping up to this lifestyle. While he did before, this time it seems to be different. Even just having that small set back for a month or two, for the whole year before that he wasn't as strict as he is being now.

But I must say I am thankful for his new attitude! I told him this is what I wanted and needed from him, and I guess he can see it. I need a man who is not afraid of me and my strong personality. Someone I can't walk all over, someone that won't take crap from me and will hold me accountable, someone who loves me enough to take me in hand and discipline me for breaking rules or to keep us connected. Someone who is willing to take the lead in his household, and make sure I don't try to overstep him and keep me submissive.

Some of us as women with the world we live in seem to think we are equal to men, and we are not. God made it so that men would take care of us and put them in charge of the household, and women to be a compliment to the husband. When a wife steps out of line, or needs an attitude adjustment, I think any husband should be able to take his wife, because they love each other, and set her straight for the peace of the household, his household however he sees fit. A punishment, (discipline) that fits the "crime". My HOH never talks down to me, we do talk about decisions that are made, but in the end it is his final say in what will happen, as it should be. You can not have two people running a household, it just won't work. There will be a power struggle, and how would that work with having peace in the household? It won't.

Have a happy Friday!

~Jane

Update on TTWD/DD - Thoughts????

We have been very busy lately. 

 

I have been bratting and owner couldn't do anything about it because of our circumstances we've had.

 

It got to a point the other day that I told him that I was done with DD.   Not a good idea!  By the time he got home, I was a bit more kind and told him I was sorry, and I was.   However, while I craved it, I was also trying to get out of it.

 

Due to the lack of consistency, even though I said I was sorry, he went through with what he said he was going to do. 

 

So in the closet I go, forced to undress and bend over. We don't usually do over the knee because we don't have the space in our closet, so it's me on the floor on my knees bent over. (There are times that we go outside to the car in our garage and use the back seat and I am bent over his knees that way) He usually spreads my legs and this last time told me I could not arch my back which made my butt stand out more which I hated.  5 minutes of spanking!  Then I stand up and he sees I still have an attitude, which I did.  I don't know why!  We figure its because the longer we go without any discipline or just maintenance my attitude returns and I forget or push to take control.  Or its just me simply bratting because I know I need it.

 

 

Because of having an attitude still that meant corner time.  Again this is where we practice submission and take away my pride.  I always end up getting spanked a few times because I can never stay still as he touches me.   Its a form of humiliation, not in a bad way, but in a way of remembering that I belong to him and submit to him and obey. 

 

After awhile of me still moving he had me bent back over and spanking my butt again.  After that I told him I was ready to try and be still and submit.

 

I finally stood still and he told me I was being a good girl and "he wants to inspect what belongs to him."

 

"It might be between your legs but it belongs to me"

 

 

 

We do NOT believe in butt plugs and feel it has no place in a DD life style, even in D/s. Though he has joked about enemas before. Umm, NO!  While I would have no control because he is my owner, I would die of embarrassment and would put up a fight. One time he had me grab my ankles and that was so humiliating, because he had my legs spread and everything in view.   However there are times when I am over his knee (when in the car)  or bent over on the floor he will spread my checks and that is horrible! I always squirm and tell him to quit.  Not a good idea! Humiliating! HATE IT!

 

 

 

For you women out there, do you find that you ever crave, or need to feel your rear red?   Do you find that you need it?  Almost like you need the pain on your rear to feel your owners authority over you? 

 

At times I feel like I need to feel the pain, but its a knowing of my owner taking me and putting me in my place and showing me his authority and controlling me.

 

After reading about some things, I feel like at times I am manipulating him into spanking me.  Bratting! I know I am because I feel its what I need. 

 

I also want him to feel his power, his control over me.  I want him to know that he has complete control over me and enjoy his power and authority over me.  I know he does in some respects because he likes to see my rear RED!  A red bottom is a happy husband!

 

Anyone else feel that way? 

 

~Jane

Thank you all!!!

I want to take a moment and thank you all for your comments here on my page with my blog.  As I'm sure most of you know that its a journey that comes up with many questions.  Is this normal, is that normal?  Should I feel this way?  Is it working? 

At times I doubt it and myself.   At times I'm humiliated, at times I'm mad, and then at other times I feel a closeness to him that is not describable, and at times I crave it and need it.   Sometimes it's confusing!

For us, it has saved our marriage!   We had a bad thing happen a while back and it made us evaluate some things. 

It is something that is so meaningful to use that we are going to make some jewelry (bracelets) that has something on it for each of us to help remind us of our place.   We are going to use some sort of letters that nobody will pick up on and if anyone ask we will tell them its between me and owner.  

I looked all over online and there are not many places that make DD/ Ms jewelry!  

But I wanted to say thank you all for your help and comments along the way and I'm sure I will have more in the months to come. 

Maintenance makes me get an attitude? Anyone else? Looking for answers!

Does anyone find that things are going good then it's time for maintenance and then you get in trouble?  We can have a great day and then it's time for maintenance and then while I am in a humiliating position or getting a spanking I get mad!  When he is done is always asks me how I feel and I get like this......
 

I get an attitude and I don't know why!!! 

From there it is a slippery slope!!!

 

 

After he sees that I am heading down this slippery slope. The picture below describes it.

 

 

 

 

 

Below is the position 95% of the time he has me in when we are in our "spanking area" It's sucks!  It allows him more access to the back of my lower thigh, my sit spot!  He does 

and will and has taken me over his knees and sometime he does for warm up and then I'm in this position. 

 

However he has figured out some new things, new positions that he likes to spank in and is very, very  humiliating!!

"Bend over and grab your ankles"  WTH?  Talk about embarrassing and humiliation!  He will have me just stand there like that.  So embarrassing!  However when I'm in this position I also get a spanking, and then usually followed up by above position to finish up.

While he has started with is this new horrible, humiliating postion in the picture above, he still uses his old fall back of standard corner time.  Naked, legs spread, and hands on the back of my head.  I can't be still in any position and is usually while I get spanked.  I know its a matter of letting go of pride, and dignity and therefore attitude adjustment or just the simple reminder of my place in our family and who runs things, reminding me that I'm his.  For the life of me I can not be still when his hands start moving around or he tells me to be still, yet his hands can move all over me while we are making love. 

 

 I think it has to do again with the pride of being made to do it, obedience and submission and that wooden spoon wondering around my butt!  LOL After a few spankings he will ask me if I want to make him happy and if I'm going to be obedient and submissive and a good girl.  My answer is always YES because I do.   But I always have attitude, always.  Though I can be fine when going in for maintenance its just I get this sudden attitude and pissy.  However, after a few sound spankings for moving, and him turning me around and giving me a fair chance and asking me how I feel, I have a wall up.  He then puts me  back in position or ANOTHER more embarrassing position,  and for some reason at that point, AFTER all that, I START then letting go.  Don't ask why because I don't know why.   Like right now I know I am getting maintenance tonight and it will be spanking and some sort of humiliating position (with everything that comes with being in that position) and I dreading it yet I'm not pissed or mad about it and deep down (though I've already complained to my owner about it and tried to get out of it) I know its needed.   However, I also know that while I'm dreading it now, I will be fine walking into our "discipline area" but the moment he makes me take my clothes off and I get spanked I will get mad and this will take time after time of spanking and humiliation before after awhile something will click and I will be obedient and submissive and do as I'm told. I will let go of my dignity and pride and give it to my owner.   I KNOW he loves me and I think that's why I can do this eventually, its just the initial being pissed off.  Even when I know logically its for the best, I guess its just my natural reaction to put up that wall and give attitude because my butt is hurting and I'm embarrassed.

 

 

Truth be told and I hate to say it, probably what is MOST effective with me is humiliation.  The worse the position, the more effective it is because I lose pride faster and dignity.  The picture below is a position that I think would be the ultimate humiliation. (other than the enemas and "butt" stuff everyone talks about - I would cry so hard of humiliation and embarrassment! )  But grabbing my ankles is pretty close to the below picture and makes me want to crawl in a hole and hide!  But yet so is regular corner time that was described above.  They are all embarrassing! YIKES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spankings are very humiliating also and I think when my butt starts hurting that's when I get mad and get attitude and put up a wall.   He has to spank me several times for me to get in the right frame of mind to except it.  Once I do, I truly do except it.   But he has gone from someone who was scared to spank me with only 4 tiny swats, to beating and reddening my butt and love seeing it red!  He has taken on the attitude in the picture below.  However, on some level I crave them and I know I need them.   I KNOW I do!  Once I have been broken down and I finally submit and let go, it gives me a release and I am so thankful for my owner for keeping up with it.  He knows what's best for me.  He has seen it.   I will admit to at times I have gone back to him and asked him to discipline me again because I didn't accept it the way I should have and that was with submission in my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what my loving owner does for me in the picture below. He has to pull back layers, after layers for me to truly submit.  I am getting better in day to day life, I think.   It is a long process and one that is and has paid off but we are constantly learning and I'm sure we will never have it down to an art. 

 

 

 

My owner tells me that when I submit and I'm still and I finally except my maintenance, or discipline or I listen and don't back talk. (or in general just follow rules) that it makes him happy.  He knows its not easy for me and I'm trying.  As I said, I will and have gone back to him and asked for another spanking and corner time so I could submit the correct way, I am willing at times to put myself through another reddening of my butt that is already sore and the humiliation of whatever position he puts me in to accept it the correct way.   That means my submission and putting my full trust in him because I love him and he loves me and takes care of me and protects me.

 

 

 

YET, I still don't understand why I can go in our "spanking area" and I am fine knowing Im getting maintenance (tho dreading it) and then within minutes pissed and mad and I get spanked several times, but after he continues I finally let go and submit to the touching and spankings and I am so grateful to him and feel like I can melt into him.   Logically I know all of this, BUT WHY the initial reaction?  Does anyone else have this issue?

 

~Jane DDLearning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long post - rambling

So here I am!  Again!  I hope everyone is doing good!

Over the last week or so I think we figured out that we fit in with not only LDD/ TTWD but also D/s....  

I am the one doing a lot of research on things and my loving owner reads them and applies it as he sees fit. 

He bought a thick spoon about 5 days ago and that spoon hurts!

I got the worse spanking I think Ive ever had a few days ago. I had a bad attitude and was just being disrespectful.  Though I did get all my chores done that day because I knew I was in trouble from the night before.   The closet is usually where I am disciplined in, but he decided we needed more privacy for this spanking.  He told me were going to the basement, and I knew that wasn't good!  He had already told me that I was getting a sound discipline, and again I knew I had it coming.   

We went down to the basement and he told me to strip and took me over his knee and gave me a long hard warm up with the brush.  Then he made me stand up and bend over the chair and then he took his new favorite spanking implement and wore my butt out!   It hurt so bad! 

 Then we came up stairs where I was made to strip again for corner time.    

This is where we practice submission and obedience.  (Submission and obedience is after all what everything stems from in our lifestyle)  I am told to stand still and not move and let him touch me anywhere and however he wants. (Obedience  - "you are going be a good girl and not move? Do you want to make me happy? Then don't move"    Submission - letting go of pride and dignity and letting him touch me where ever and how ever he wants, which also reminds me that I am his)  But if I disobey and squirm even a little I get spanked.   

Well that night while in the corner I got whipped with the belt twice for squirming when he touched me ( yes in vulnerable places  - places that make me lose my pride )   Finally I was able to let go of my pride and let him touch me and belong to him without moving.    When we do this as part of discipline, maintenance, role affirmation, I always end up getting spanked because it takes a lot to let go of that pride and dignity and give it away to my owner.   

Even though I know he loves me and trust him we are living in a world that women are taught that is horrible to "obey" anyone, to have a head of the household and be in submission.  

Are there other ways for submission?  I'm sure there are, but in this kind of situation it is highly effective for us to take away pride and attitude and walls.  Vulnerability needs to set in. 

Spankings hurt and are humiliating!   In our lifestyle we feel and we have seen that humiliation is a big key in DD -D/s loving marriage we have.  To be truly owned you can not have any prideful tendencies as most women do, and having that pride takes you away from submission and in turn obedience. 

My owner also decided the other day due to bring haughty and a bad attitude

(Which I did) that he was going to start using a new position.   I hate, hate it!!!   

A day or so ago I was mouthy and had an attitude again (that's why we have maintenance because I am as most women are, quick to revert back or slip up and usually when I slip up and I'm called out on it, I get mad and it escalates from there) and he pulled me in the closet.  My clothes were removed and the next words out of his mouth horrified me!   "Bend over and grab your ankles" I was shocked and humiliated!  I was resistant but there was no getting out of it.  So I reached down for my ankles then my owner reached down and made me spread my legs.   I was horrified because I was in an embarrassing position, he could see everything and nothing is left to the imagination.  He gave me a few good hard smacks with the spoon and then lectured me about my attitude and that I belong to him.  Then he proceeded with the "submission and obedience" session we do.    

I hate corner time!  (Either in the corner or the new found "bend over and grab your ankles")   It is as embarrassing, if not more embarrassing than when I'm spanked!  Both are horrible, yet understandably needed.   

Being in a truly submissive state makes a woman feel truly like she owned by the man she loves and who loves her.   

Submission either by want or by force IS erotic!  Yes it is discipline, and spankings  hurt badly, its embarrassing and humiliating, and it IS for bad behavior or role affirmation, but regardless of the reason it draws the husband and wife closer.  The husband is SHOWING you his authority of you by his power.  The bond is so much stronger.  I know for any discipline I receive, I hate it and everything that goes with it.  I hate it early on in the day when Ive done something and I know Im getting a spanking and corner time when my owner gets home.  However 99% of the time after Discipline or reinforcement I feel better, I feel closer to my owner.  But by being submissive it draws out more of the woman's softer side, her feminine side, the side of her that is submissive to her owner that she shows respect, obedience, and submission to.  That is what makes it erotic, that closeness you feel and giving yourself over to your owner in heart and body, knowing that he knows you inside and out.   

From my research is not uncommon for women to get "wet" from discipline even when their butt is on fire and they are so embarrassed by the position that are in and they  just want to hide in a hole somewhere.   I know I do and that in of itself is so, so, so humiliating.  My owner can see and feel it and it embarrasses me so much!  He won't let me wipe myself off, he takes a cloth and wipes me because its part of the discipline.   Again, it's part of taking that rotten attitude away, taking that pride away by reminding me that everything I have and my body belongs to him.  Now there is nothing wrong with pride, it just doesn't need to come with attitude and towards your owner.

With all that being said, I am very strong willed, a loud mouth, hard headed and don't listen according to my owner.   I know he has his hands full with me!   You would think with all the spankings and corner time of embarrassment I would learn, it would be a deterrent from my rotten attitude and my sassy mouth.  I think at times it is, because I do think sometimes before I speak, even though he doesn't think so,  but other times I fly off the handle, I don't care and I get this "whatever" attitude.  At that point I realized I crossed a line and I know I'm in trouble so I'm like "so what".  Or one of the biggest things I do, and I don't know how my owner will fix this issue is that I question everything he tells me to do or not do.  Everything!  Plus I grew up in a house and for a good part of our marriage being allowed to get attitude, get my way, be sarcastic, and use a nasty tone of voice, and say what I wanted to say.  There are just some things that are part of my personality.  My owner says he is going to fix that.  LOL 

We have only been with this lifestyle maybe 6 months and hubby went from scared to spank me and backing down from me and my attitude and only giving me 4 little pops with the spoon to a man who has fully embraced this lifestyle, a man who doesn't put up with any crap and gives me to do list that has to be done, rules, and will redden my butt so bad and put me in corner time and shows me his authority over me.  He shows me that I belong to him, and that I'm allowed to be a strong woman with life but when its all said and done all decisions and how things are done, my well-being, and my body is his to do as he wishes.   

For me being a "brat" my entire life, this is taken some getting used to, hence why I always in trouble. (I can't catch a break because if I'm not in trouble for bad behavior, or not showing respect.... So forth and so on.... There is role affirmation of maintenance) 

I wish we would have found this lifestyle early on in our marriage!  It has made us closer! It has made life easier.  You can't have two people running a household.  One has to run it and the other do as they are told to make everything run easier in life.