Thursday, May 29, 2014

I'm here but don't know what to say........

I'm here and I don't know what to say.

This lifestyle works for us!  Every time we implement it, it works! 

Then somehow we get off track.

When we do I start feeling unbalanced.   I find myself not paying attention to the rules that were ONCE there, and letting my mind wonder and not respecting my HOH as much.  

I don't like this.

I have brought it back up to my HOH but I hate being the one to bring it up.   :(

Does anyone feel the need to have TiH, DD, CDD, LDD lifestyle to feel like you BELONG to your HOH? 

Maybe it's because of some past, recent issues I have been dealing with but I need that foundation, structure, feeling secure and like I belong to someone and they are going to protect me.

I have done so much research on this lifestyle and even though we KNOW it works for us, why can't we stick to it? 

We do good for months and then slip.

I was just about to write an ebook on it to help other couples starting out on this lifestyle, and that is still what I want to do.

With the above questions, how do you feel about the feeling of belonging to him?

~Jane   (Sorry I have been MIA)


  1. For me, I know I belong to hubby. It is knowing we are both on the same page with issues and expectations. It is knowing he is there to catch me when I am falling whether we need to reconnect or discipline is required.Life's issues do get in the way and that makes it challenging at times. I have learned to speak up and tell him I need to reconnect or have him reset me as he see's fit. That was a struggle for a long time. He knows what a difference it makes. Because of a whole series of recent events for me, I have quickly learned to value and follow his leadership and relinquish control.Protection is paramount for me due to past issues as well. This lifestyle is something you both have to stay on top of in order to achieve the most benefit. What you want and are expressing is very normal. Getting there is the challenge.

  2. Because DD is part of your relationship not all of it :) It it always there just not front and centre, taking a back seat when other things are more pressing. I think it can be especially difficult for Dominants to maintain such strict levels of observance too and sometimes they need down time ... anyway love these are just my thoughts ava x

  3. I am so thankful that my HoH enforces our rules without exception at all times. I have a professional job which I love and enjoy but I recognised that if I bring this home it can make me very undesirable to be with. From the outset of our marriage I asked Jack to discipline me and ensure that I fulfill my role as his submissive wife. This brings many constraints upon me which I accept but I need him to enforce the rules we agree and where apporpriate to punish me as he sees fit. The discipline is not everything in our relationship but it is an important part. I am happy that this provdes me with the framework which helps me support my HoH even if I do not like every aspect of my discipline or where appropriate deserved punishments.

  4. I should have added the other day that what we have found useful is that our rules are written down. We review these at least once per year or more if either of us believe it necessary. Importantly we also have a written list of punishment options including some which are not allowed. This does not prescribe punishment for a particular offence because that is HoHs decsion to make completely independently given his view of my offences, circumstances and attitude. Once we have reviewed I have to write out the rules and punishment options so we have them available and to help me remember them. Sometimes HoH has me write them out in full multiple times as part of written punsihments if I offend. Hopefully this might help you too. Best wishes, Becky

  5. Having lived through the 1950s, I remember quite well discovering that women were sometimes spanked just like girls over a man's knee.

    The basic theory back then was women wanted to be taken in hand and spanked. While that wasn't completely true, enough women went along with it so most couples were able to resolve their differences in the bedroom instead of in the courthouse!

    Then, as a teenager in the early 1960s, an older woman seduced me. One night, after long discussion regarding her potty mouth, she allowed me to give her an old-fashioned disciplinary whipping in her bedroom. That thrashing completely changed the dynamics of our relationship.

    Immediately, a woman old enough to be my mother became more submissive and respectful. She began soliciting my opinion in various matters. In general, she became more open and honest.

    Among her more startling admissions before ending our increasingly dangerous relationship was that a woman needs to be spanked if a man is going to live with her!

    Understanding the importance of spanking when I began dating my slightly younger wife, I asked what she thought about being spanked. On something like our third date, she told me about her embarrassment in finding out the hard way that she still wasn't too old to be spanked by her father.

    Then, she dropped the bomb shell. She said there would come a time when she would let me put her over my knee!

    Several months later, after a frank talk about her adolescent behavior, this normally proper young woman let me soundly spank her bare bottom. As with the older woman, my then girlfriend became more compliant and deferential.

    Although I didn't realize it at the time, another transformation was taking place in my wife's mind. After a second spanking, my wife's primary allegiance shifted from her father to me. By the time we married, she totally belonged to me rather than to her father. I had become her disciplinarian as well as her lover.

    Without intending a pun, being spanked by a man puts that man's brand on a woman. It isn't so much on her hide as in her mind.

    In time, however, that branding wears off and needs to be reapplied. It is during those in between times that a woman begins to feel insecure and "unbalanced."

    More importantly, if a man never spanks a woman, she will never totally belong to him. In time, especially after the initial euphoria of falling in love wears off, she will lose respect for him and the two will drift apart.

    In a nutshell, that really is the story of many late 20th and early 21st century marriages.

    During the course if our half century of marriage, my wife and I have never had a formal list of rules. Instead, having grown up in a male dominated household, she agreed even before our wedding to take an over the knee paddling whenever I thought either she or our relationship needed to be straightened out.

    While our approach to marriage may not be suitable for every couple, it has worked for us. For us, spanking isn't a lifestyle. Instead, much as it was for our parents' generation, a way of privately working out our problems without third party interventions such as counseling, lawyers, or police.

    Spanking in the bedroom only became a lifestyle after it became controversial in the media. Before that, a wife naturally went over her husband's knee to take a spanking in much the same way she spread her legs to have sex. Back then, getting spanked wasn't the big deal it would later become.

    Couples usually get in trouble when there is a conflict over children, money, religion, sex, or spanking. If a couple can resolve what to do when the wife needs a spanking, the other issues become less problematic. That was the secret to the success of many marriages in the 1950s.

    1. That was sexual abuse and she should be turned in.