I'm not sure what to think or what is going to happen later.
After we started back with DD the other night, I posted that HOH did NOT go easy on me. I think he is of the mindset now that if he is going to do it, he is going to do it right!
We have company coming and I told him that I feel, if he agreed, that maybe we should do maintenance every night until they get here since we will have other people in the house.
Well the next day that I was suppose to have maintenance (remember the night before hurt like hell) he informed me that it was going to actually be discipline for 2 different things.
Undressed, on the floor with ass up and legs spread. He means business this time around! After that corner time. I told him I think in all of our time having this lifestyle that these were 2 of the worse spankings ever. There might be one other, but these 2 I feel were the worse. He told me that he plans on doing them right.
Well the next day I was suppose to receive maintenance, but didn't because we got home really late and so we went to bed. He informed me that the following day he would be making up for it.
Well yesterday, we got home late, and no maintenance. I brought it to his attention and he seemed like it wasn't a big deal that he hasn't had the opportunity.
For me, it makes me mad, and upset. I can't explain exactly why because while DD is erotic and I think it helps connect us, those last 2 spankings hurt!! So why am I insisting on it??
I guess because I feel like I am offering myself to him, it is a power exchange, and I am trying to follow his rules, and then handing myself to him to punish me for mistakes, breaking rules, but also to protect me. Why is it we want/need this in our lives when it is humiliating? I am giving myself to him, taking off my clothes when it's time for discipline and put in a humiliating position and allowing the person I love to beat my butt. I allow it because I trust him, love him, and I want his protection, and I want to make him happy. I am not sure any of that makes sense.
So why do I feel let down? I feel like I have answered my own question but it still doesn't make sense to me. Why do I want to be in a DD relationship? Spanking hurt, yet sometimes turn me on even when it is for discipline. Why do I feel like he should have found a way to go through with maintenance? (we have kids, so us getting home late is why he didn't do it but I still think he should have found a way)
So anyway I was in a pissy mood last night, and then today he made me mad. I told him that DD is off the table now. He told me I was being unreasonable. Then I told him about last night and maintenance and how it made me feel and he didn't respond. So later I sent him another text apologizing and all he responded with "It's ok". So then that made me mad and he said he is working and can't respond, so I told him I was sorry and I guess I should be more understanding. Guess the reply I got? Yep, "Its ok"!
So here we are! I have no idea what to think.
I will post back later with what we decide.
Later DD Life Style-ers
Jane
I think it is really hard when you begin in the lifestyle to manage expectations. For any Dominant, taking control means you are constantly 'on' because you have to be completely aware of the your submissive, surroundings etc. Sometimes though it's difficult to always be 'on' and even Dominants need down time. From what you've said perhaps Tarzan wasn't in the right head space to give you the maintenance you deserve? Or perhaps he has another plan for you? ... one of the most difficult things being a submissive (and I get it wrong all the time) is not to top from the bottom. So even when we are told something will happen and it doesn't , it is not our job to question :) Anyway, these are just a few of my thoughts and please feel free to disregard! ava x
ReplyDeleteFor me, the more dominant he is, the more I crave/need it. So after 2 such intense discipline incidents you were probably feeling very submissive, very vulnerable and then to be 'ignored' meant that you were tumbling from a greater height.
ReplyDeleteIt also makes sense about your HOH having to be 'on duty' all the time.
I am sure if you invest time and give him some space you will find a happy midway point.
Thank you both! Wonderful advice!!
ReplyDeleteJane
Long ago, I concluded that women have disciplinary cycles. Sometimes these may coincide with menstruation. At other times, they may have a relationship with other events of mental processes in the woman's life.
ReplyDeleteSpanking is a lot like sex. When she's ready, when he's ready, things flow much more easily. Otherwise, it can be totally out of sync with what is needed to resolve the problem.
Likewise, spankings work best when the woman knows she needs one and the man's ready to administer it. Oddly enough, sometimes a woman knows she needs a spanking for some reason other than why her husband thinks! Thus, quite literally, a man may be spanking a woman for one thing while she has something else on her mind!
Not surprisingly, spanking can be counterproductive when it fails to resolve other unresolved issues in a woman's life. Properly done, however, a spanking can cause a woman to release even her most deeply held secrets. This isn't science so much as it is an art arising from knowing the woman.
Another thing I discovered long ago is that a woman has to be spanked in her own mind before she's ready to be physically spanked. Now, this is not to same as saying she has to agree to being spanked. Rather she has to accept the fact that she has no other choice than to get it over with.
As with many human activities, spanking effectiveness is determined by a sometimes complex set of variables. At the same time, neither the man nor the woman have to know everything. Instead, they only have to know each other.