Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Recommitting and my email to HOH


So HOH and I talked last night and I did end up          getting a spanking for disrespect.  






Today I sent him this email.



I am recommitting myself to you. 

For one I am glad we are back to our DD, D/s, TTWD, LDD, lifestyle.  I do think it's what we need.

I know yesterday I said "no" and that it was off the table.  For that alone I should have received discipline.   I think it's in our contract already.

So from here on out I am giving you "blanket" consent, meaning I am never allowed to tell you that again.  If I do, whatever you decide to do regarding that is in you hands.

Blanket consistent from what I've read online means that I am giving you the right to discipline me in any way you want to or feel appropriate to ensure that I learn to follow rules you have for our family, to adjust my attitude, removing my pride, for snapping back and disrespect (even if I don't think it's disrespect) for raising my voice, for the well being of our family, for the well being of our marriage in that I am submissive to you and there is only one head in our household, for my own health and safety, and that of our family and kids.

With discipline I will submit even if I feel its unjust. Whatever you feel the discipline should be, spanking, corner time, or if the deemed appropriate and I cross a line to the extreme with direct defiance, or such a rotten attitude, or extreme pride, that you feel I need an extreme adjustment then whatever discipline, no matter how humiliating it may be, if you feel it needs to be done to leave a lasting impression, I give my consent to you and will not fight you.  If I do fight you, I know there will be further consequences. Or if I do something over and over again that I keep getting disciplined for and you feel that you need to leave a lasting impression I will submit.   (Even if you decided I was to mouthy in public and you decided to do something about right then and there, I would submit or with having company.  Even if it's the dreaded, horrible, humiliating, worse thing imaginable we have talked about, I will submit because I know it will be done for something that was deserving of it even if at the time I don't agree. Right now being of sound mind and non emotional or mad, I trust you and know you will do whatever you think is best and the punishment will fit the crime)   Even while on my period will with submit to discipline.  I will not throw up any excuses and if I do, it's up to you to decide how to handle it.

All I ask is please be consistent, let me know when you are serious about something so I don't take it as you joking around, and please, please, love on me, protect me, cherish me, and hold me accountable.  With all that being said, I am handing myself over to you.

As you know, I hate being told what to do.  But at the same time I need to be handled.  I need to know that there is someone strong enough physically and mentally, emotionally to handle me.

I love you for you and who you are and I respect you now!   But I feel more loved knowing there are these things in place and that you are taking care of me.

In turn I want you to feel respected, loved, and know I want to do anything for you.  I want you to feel the power you have over me. I am giving myself to you, and I want you to realize what that means. I really, really do. A lot of times it just doesn't come easy for me with being told what to do no matter how much I love you. This you should know.  I'm not saying this is an easy lifestyle because it's not.  Especially starting over again, I know I feel disconnected and have a lot of pride. So I hope this will bring us closer together again.   I hope we can reconnect in the most intimate way.

I want us to have a happy marriage no matter the cost.   Please if you would, let know your thoughts.......

4 comments:

  1. Continuing good luck for your submissive journey in the New Year :) ava x

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  2. Thats a beautiful email you sent to him..I think that is what we all strive towards

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  3. This seems to be largely a generational problem.

    Until my wife and I were officially married shortly before her 21st birthday, she could still be legally spanked, paddled, or whipped on her bare bottom by her father.

    Thereafter, my wife moved into that legally gray area dominating 1950's and and even 1960's domestic philosophy. Specifically, while there were no laws permitting husbands to spank their wives, neither was there any incentive to prevent it.

    This legal limbo existed for four reasons:

    -- Men made and enforced the rules.

    -- Spanking was not classified as abuse.

    -- Couples were expected to work out their problems.

    -- Divorce was socially unacceptable.

    This was also the age of Father Knows Best (a weekly sitcom broadcast on American radio and later television from 1949 to 1960). Although women had done work normally performed by men during World War II, women deferred to men after the war. Most mothers stayed at home and lived on the income provided by their husbands.

    It was not until after the 1960's Sexual Revolution that both informal rules and laws began to change.

    For women coming of age before the 1970's emphasis on preventing and prosecuting the newly coined term "domestic violence," getting privately spanked over a man's knee wasn't the big deal it would become. This was especially true for women born after the flurry of 1980's and 1990's anti-spanking propaganda.

    Five other factors also come into play for later generations.

    -- Women are legally considered to be adults when the reach their 18th birthday.

    -- First-time brides no longer marry, on average, before their 21st birthday.

    -- First-time brides are closer to being the same age as their husbands than was the case in earlier generations.

    -- Women are accustomed to being treated like men.

    -- Both cohabitation (1950's "common law marriage) and divorce are more socially acceptable.

    All of the above factors combine to produce a more complicated situation for couples trying to work out their problems the old-fashioned way. A lot of it involves retraining both men and women to think differently about each other as well as their relationship to each other.

    This can be especially difficult for a working wife. If she is treated as an equal, or even gives orders to men at work, she may have trouble being the proverbial little lady of the house when she gets home. While some women seem to do this quite easily, frequently through compartmentalization of their lives, others find the transition indignantly more difficult.

    Much the same problems may also exist for a husband raised to think of women as untouchable without their explicit permission.

    Mentally, is can be very difficult for men and women to understand pre-Sexual Revolution social dynamics.

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  4. Jane I am reading this 2 years later. where are you now? I hope you write again and tell us if DD is still part of your relationship and how you are doing. I am reading in order so this is as far as I've gotten, I cant' stop so i'll finish them all today. I just had to comment because I am in awe, I feel exactly the same way you described here. seriously, I would have thought I wrote this. I am confused often. why do I want to submit so bad? the reasons I can think of are that I love being contolled, it makes me feel wanted, loved, needed, and cared for. Also, I love my man so much and I know that I don't always treat him respectfully, but I want to, so I want his help, I want to be submissive but I need him to take control also. I don't want him to keep letting me run all over him or be a brat, or ignore me either ( I hate that so much- it makes me feel like he doesn't care at all) or yell at me because I won't listen. I want him to put me in my place and demand respect, obedience, and anything else he wants. I want to be able to do all this for him and prove how much I love him. I love to hear him say "that's my girl" when I am good so I want him to give me opportunities to earn that. I want his time and attention and DD will give me that, but this makes me question whether wanting DD is selfish or not? My man keeps asking me... what's in it for him, this is only for me, what is going to help him.....well I have explained that I think it will benefit him also because then we wont have horrible fights, he will not feel unappreciated and disrespected, he will be able to relax more, he will have a peaceful home, he will gain confidence, he'll have control of me and of his home, and we will have a close intimate relationship. When I pour my heart out and explain what makes me feel submissive and why, why I want to be submissive, why I want to be controlled, etc, he usually says he understands, but then he will say...I just don't understand why you want a spanking or how that would help. OMG really? I want to scream and say I just freaking explained it all for the 50th time now!!! AAAAHHHHH!! So, I am going to show him this entry on your blog and try to get him to read all of them. Its good to know that I am not the only one who has all of these emotions, feelings, needs, and questions. I wish more Hoh men wrote blogs, I don't know of any, so my man could read them and maybe understand why some females like us need this, and see that it really will work, and have someone to ask for advice. anyway, thank you for sharing your stories!!

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