Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Recommitting and my email to HOH
So HOH and I talked last night and I did end up getting a spanking for disrespect.
Today I sent him this email.
I am recommitting myself to you.
For one I am glad we are back to our DD, D/s, TTWD, LDD, lifestyle. I do think it's what we need.
I know yesterday I said "no" and that it was off the table. For that alone I should have received discipline. I think it's in our contract already.
So from here on out I am giving you "blanket" consent, meaning I am never allowed to tell you that again. If I do, whatever you decide to do regarding that is in you hands.
Blanket consistent from what I've read online means that I am giving you the right to discipline me in any way you want to or feel appropriate to ensure that I learn to follow rules you have for our family, to adjust my attitude, removing my pride, for snapping back and disrespect (even if I don't think it's disrespect) for raising my voice, for the well being of our family, for the well being of our marriage in that I am submissive to you and there is only one head in our household, for my own health and safety, and that of our family and kids.
With discipline I will submit even if I feel its unjust. Whatever you feel the discipline should be, spanking, corner time, or if the deemed appropriate and I cross a line to the extreme with direct defiance, or such a rotten attitude, or extreme pride, that you feel I need an extreme adjustment then whatever discipline, no matter how humiliating it may be, if you feel it needs to be done to leave a lasting impression, I give my consent to you and will not fight you. If I do fight you, I know there will be further consequences. Or if I do something over and over again that I keep getting disciplined for and you feel that you need to leave a lasting impression I will submit. (Even if you decided I was to mouthy in public and you decided to do something about right then and there, I would submit or with having company. Even if it's the dreaded, horrible, humiliating, worse thing imaginable we have talked about, I will submit because I know it will be done for something that was deserving of it even if at the time I don't agree. Right now being of sound mind and non emotional or mad, I trust you and know you will do whatever you think is best and the punishment will fit the crime) Even while on my period will with submit to discipline. I will not throw up any excuses and if I do, it's up to you to decide how to handle it.
All I ask is please be consistent, let me know when you are serious about something so I don't take it as you joking around, and please, please, love on me, protect me, cherish me, and hold me accountable. With all that being said, I am handing myself over to you.
As you know, I hate being told what to do. But at the same time I need to be handled. I need to know that there is someone strong enough physically and mentally, emotionally to handle me.
I love you for you and who you are and I respect you now! But I feel more loved knowing there are these things in place and that you are taking care of me.
In turn I want you to feel respected, loved, and know I want to do anything for you. I want you to feel the power you have over me. I am giving myself to you, and I want you to realize what that means. I really, really do. A lot of times it just doesn't come easy for me with being told what to do no matter how much I love you. This you should know. I'm not saying this is an easy lifestyle because it's not. Especially starting over again, I know I feel disconnected and have a lot of pride. So I hope this will bring us closer together again. I hope we can reconnect in the most intimate way.
I want us to have a happy marriage no matter the cost. Please if you would, let know your thoughts.......