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Lasey's Lane: Domestic Discipline Homework Series: Understanding...

Lasey's Lane: Domestic Discipline Homework Series: Understanding...: This is the second post of a series. This series provides homework prompts or communication prompts for both the HOH and partner. These pr...

Thoughts on the Draw to Domestic Discipline: Why Do I Want to be Punished?

Interesting article I found somewhere that is so informative! 

This is told by other women who desire DD that it helped them explain to their husbands why they wanted a DD relationship.

  
I think the questions "Why would I want this?” and “What is wrong with me?" are very common among those of us who desire domestic discipline.“Why would I want my husband to spank me?”

“Why would I want to spank my wife?”

Often, we women read about men who are "man enough" to stand up to their Subs, and care about them enough to make them behave, to protect their relationship, and to lead. We read about being dominated and many of us think, "Wow, that sounds kind of hot!" We read about men who have no problem taking their girls over their knees and showing them who's boss. And we think..."I want that." 

We know that Domestic Discipline goes beyond the bedroom. Although many will admit there is an erotic element to DD, we know that it goes deeper than that. And sometimes, we are unsure as to why we would desire such a dynamic to begin with. 

There is peace in submitting to the man you love. Knowing he is in charge and won't let things go astray makes us feel loved. Being spanked is a major display of dominance and submission. Being taken in hand is hot, though being punished still hurts. It's all wrapped up together.

But it's all rooted in our desire to be loved. 

Let's take a look at a typical interaction with the average couple, and the same interaction from the Domestic Discipline perspective.

A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had a long day. She stomps her foot and slams something on the counter. His temper flares. He says some things he may or may not mean. He tells her he's had it, and he storms out of the house. She feels guilty. She feels abandoned. How could someone who loves her just leave like that? He doesn't have to leave the house to have the same effect. Maybe he's cold to her, or won't talk to her. She still has that feeling of being disconnected, abandoned, even unloved. As time goes on...and it could be hours, or longer...she realizes she's behaved terribly, and she feels guilty. She also feels hurt. What an awful end to an awful day. He comes home and they may or may not make up, but there's a bridge between the two of them. She still feels guilty.

Now, let's take a look at the same scenario with Domestic Discipline. A woman gets into an argument with her husband. She's tired, she's cranky, and she's had an awful day. She finally says something nasty and maybe in a fit of anger she stomps her foot, or slams something on the counter. He calmly and deliberately takes her by the arm, hauls her over his lap, and spanks her soundly. She feels the fight go out of her and has no choice but to submit. She feels humbled. When the fight is no longer in her anymore, he holds her. He tells her he forgives her and loves her. Maybe she feels something in her give way, and she cries. She feels forgiven. She knows he loves her enough to stop the fit, and to restore the peace in their relationship. Later, she thinks about how strong and masculine her husband was, and she realizes not only does she have a new-found respect, but she also finds his manliness more attractive.  

Does she actually like to be spanked? Yes and no. Being punished hurts, and the knowledge that she's done something wrong is uncomfortable. We're not talking about “spanking for fun” here, and this is where many who desire Domestic Discipline become confused. Why would someone choose to be punished?

We desire being taken in hand because we want to feel loved, not because we want to be punished. Those who dominate seek to protect and care for their submissive partner, even when that protection means to protect us from ourselves. We want that intimate connection.

Spanking survey! Interesting!

 

 

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

We hit a bad spot in our marriage that almost left us in a divorce and me and him almost cheating on each other. You see I've always been bossy, and need to have things my way.  I never mean to be selfish, but I stay in control and want to do things a certain way.   However at same time I want to be told what to do, dominated, and have someone take care of me.  At the time my husband didn't do that.  I felt like I could walk all over him, and I did.  I wanted to know there is someone that is bigger, stronger, in control, and can handle my stubborn attitude.  I wanted to know there is someone that will say "No, you can't do that" or "Don't talk to me like that" and wasn't afraid to back it up with a spanking if I didn't listen, even by force if needed if I decided to fight.   I needed and longed for someone that would protect me from everything in this world, including myself, someone that loved me enough.    That is what my Owner/HOH has become! He is not the boy I married, he is now THE MAN I married!  :)
 
2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

 Owner at different times, but mostly his name.  However when he is disciplining me or maintenance he makes sure that I say "Yes Sir" and he repeats and makes sure I acknowledge that he is my owner.

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

My girl, and good girl. (when I'm good)

 4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

Either the belt or the thick wooden spoon he has. 

 5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

I don't need a "reward" because the "reward" is that I have the man I've needed my entire life, and with DD I become the woman (lady, girl) he needs that respects him and it gives our relationship a whole new meaning.  That is our reward.

 6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

He hasn't come up with one yet.  Usually its just a given that I've crossed a line and later I am going to be in the closet, in the garage in the car, or in the basement.

He has started saying "we will talk about this later" jokingly and that is suppose to mean that I will be getting spanked or disciplined in some form.  However he has never acted on that yet.

 7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)
I don't have a spanking bucket list, however I am worried one day he will get a leather belt or bigger paddle, or if I really, really, really cross a line use a non spanking discipline that will totally humiliate me.   (He has said he has no intentions of doing that but nothing is off the table)

 8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

To go with it!  Enjoy it!  Enjoy the reward it brings.  For the Man to be FIRM and consistent!  For the wife to be submissive as hard as it may be.  Believe me, I know!  I get plenty of spankings when we do our "submission exercise" if you will.  

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

I guess in the garage bent over the car?  Not crazy! He has swatted my butt in public kinda playing and kinda being serious.  Kinda embarrassing!  LOL

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?
We are not into BDSM.

 11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Corner time totally nude.  Or when he tells me no panties!  I never thought that wearing no panties at his demand would accomplish anything, but it does.  Sometimes he will tell me no panties just because and there is no reason other than that's what he wants and it keeps me thinking about him. The simple fact of just obeying and submission.  At the same time he has used it as discipline before.  He sent me a text and told me to take my panties off and leave them off until certain chores were done.  To make sure I listened he had me take a picture of my panties that I had taken off. 

 12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

How much closer it would make us.  How it would make me soft, gentle, feminine, submissive and give the respect to my husband he deserves and that I would see him in such control and him being a true MAN!

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

 That I can have a few glasses of wine when I want and not have to ask first.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

I'd choose discipline.  The discipline satisfies an emotional and psychological need of mine, and in turn makes our marriage happier and gives my husband the control he should have in our marriage.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No way. I think it would leave me unsettled and feeling "off."  Even if he messed up and I shot off at the mouth about it, I would expect him to discipline me for disrespect even though he messed up.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

 

The closeness it brings.  I can melt into him.  And of course sometimes, not all the time, we make love and that is really nice.

 17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

Its something I read about many, many years ago and my HOH was not interested at that point.  I don't think he realized that we needed it and I didn't either to the extent we did.  But after we almost ended in divorce I brought it back to his attention and we went for it. 

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

Wooden paddle or belt...it's a toss up.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

I'm not allowed to wear clothes when I'm being disciplined.  He either makes me undress or he undresses me.

 20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

I know you do this because you love me, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell you really how much that means to me. Always be firm with me, and don't be afraid to make me cry.  I need your firmness and to know I can not walk all over you.  And if I do you have no issue with beating my butt and if I fight you on it, forcibly spanking me.



*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

I have a few... He has her in a position that she can't fight him on.  You can also see that he has enforced full nudity with the discipline.



 

 

This one because I have been in this position and its quick to strip any attitude and it is effective! It enforces humility really fast!

 

Then this one is my FAVORITE! To me it reminds me how I feel about my HOH after he has disciplined me. (if disciplined the correct way because if I don't have the attitude depicted in the picture then I don't have the RIGHT attitude)  Complete submission for the HOH!

 

 

DD saved our marriage!!!

DD saved our marriage! 

Did it save yours?

We have our bumps in the road, but when we do we have to take step back and refocus.

~Jane

Update on TTWD/DD - Thoughts????

We have been very busy lately. 

 

I have been bratting and owner couldn't do anything about it because of our circumstances we've had.

 

It got to a point the other day that I told him that I was done with DD.   Not a good idea!  By the time he got home, I was a bit more kind and told him I was sorry, and I was.   However, while I craved it, I was also trying to get out of it.

 

Due to the lack of consistency, even though I said I was sorry, he went through with what he said he was going to do. 

 

So in the closet I go, forced to undress and bend over. We don't usually do over the knee because we don't have the space in our closet, so it's me on the floor on my knees bent over. (There are times that we go outside to the car in our garage and use the back seat and I am bent over his knees that way) He usually spreads my legs and this last time told me I could not arch my back which made my butt stand out more which I hated.  5 minutes of spanking!  Then I stand up and he sees I still have an attitude, which I did.  I don't know why!  We figure its because the longer we go without any discipline or just maintenance my attitude returns and I forget or push to take control.  Or its just me simply bratting because I know I need it.

 

 

Because of having an attitude still that meant corner time.  Again this is where we practice submission and take away my pride.  I always end up getting spanked a few times because I can never stay still as he touches me.   Its a form of humiliation, not in a bad way, but in a way of remembering that I belong to him and submit to him and obey. 

 

After awhile of me still moving he had me bent back over and spanking my butt again.  After that I told him I was ready to try and be still and submit.

 

I finally stood still and he told me I was being a good girl and "he wants to inspect what belongs to him."

 

"It might be between your legs but it belongs to me"

 

 

 

We do NOT believe in butt plugs and feel it has no place in a DD life style, even in D/s. Though he has joked about enemas before. Umm, NO!  While I would have no control because he is my owner, I would die of embarrassment and would put up a fight. One time he had me grab my ankles and that was so humiliating, because he had my legs spread and everything in view.   However there are times when I am over his knee (when in the car)  or bent over on the floor he will spread my checks and that is horrible! I always squirm and tell him to quit.  Not a good idea! Humiliating! HATE IT!

 

 

 

For you women out there, do you find that you ever crave, or need to feel your rear red?   Do you find that you need it?  Almost like you need the pain on your rear to feel your owners authority over you? 

 

At times I feel like I need to feel the pain, but its a knowing of my owner taking me and putting me in my place and showing me his authority and controlling me.

 

After reading about some things, I feel like at times I am manipulating him into spanking me.  Bratting! I know I am because I feel its what I need. 

 

I also want him to feel his power, his control over me.  I want him to know that he has complete control over me and enjoy his power and authority over me.  I know he does in some respects because he likes to see my rear RED!  A red bottom is a happy husband!

 

Anyone else feel that way? 

 

~Jane