Recommitting and my email to HOH

So HOH and I talked last night and I did end up          getting a spanking for disrespect.  

Today I sent him this email.



I am recommitting myself to you. 

For one I am glad we are back to our DD, D/s, TTWD, LDD, lifestyle.  I do think it's what we need.

I know yesterday I said "no" and that it was off the table.  For that alone I should have received discipline.   I think it's in our contract already.

So from here on out I am giving you "blanket" consent, meaning I am never allowed to tell you that again.  If I do, whatever you decide to do regarding that is in you hands.

Blanket consistent from what I've read online means that I am giving you the right to discipline me in any way you want to or feel appropriate to ensure that I learn to follow rules you have for our family, to adjust my attitude, removing my pride, for snapping back and disrespect (even if I don't think it's disrespect) for raising my voice, for the well being of our family, for the well being of our marriage in that I am submissive to you and there is only one head in our household, for my own health and safety, and that of our family and kids.

With discipline I will submit even if I feel its unjust. Whatever you feel the discipline should be, spanking, corner time, or if the deemed appropriate and I cross a line to the extreme with direct defiance, or such a rotten attitude, or extreme pride, that you feel I need an extreme adjustment then whatever discipline, no matter how humiliating it may be, if you feel it needs to be done to leave a lasting impression, I give my consent to you and will not fight you.  If I do fight you, I know there will be further consequences. Or if I do something over and over again that I keep getting disciplined for and you feel that you need to leave a lasting impression I will submit.   (Even if you decided I was to mouthy in public and you decided to do something about right then and there, I would submit or with having company.  Even if it's the dreaded, horrible, humiliating, worse thing imaginable we have talked about, I will submit because I know it will be done for something that was deserving of it even if at the time I don't agree. Right now being of sound mind and non emotional or mad, I trust you and know you will do whatever you think is best and the punishment will fit the crime)   Even while on my period will with submit to discipline.  I will not throw up any excuses and if I do, it's up to you to decide how to handle it.

All I ask is please be consistent, let me know when you are serious about something so I don't take it as you joking around, and please, please, love on me, protect me, cherish me, and hold me accountable.  With all that being said, I am handing myself over to you.

As you know, I hate being told what to do.  But at the same time I need to be handled.  I need to know that there is someone strong enough physically and mentally, emotionally to handle me.

I love you for you and who you are and I respect you now!   But I feel more loved knowing there are these things in place and that you are taking care of me.

In turn I want you to feel respected, loved, and know I want to do anything for you.  I want you to feel the power you have over me. I am giving myself to you, and I want you to realize what that means. I really, really do. A lot of times it just doesn't come easy for me with being told what to do no matter how much I love you. This you should know.  I'm not saying this is an easy lifestyle because it's not.  Especially starting over again, I know I feel disconnected and have a lot of pride. So I hope this will bring us closer together again.   I hope we can reconnect in the most intimate way.

I want us to have a happy marriage no matter the cost.   Please if you would, let know your thoughts.......

The things we deal with.....

Being in a DD, TTWD, D/s, TiH relationship has its ups and downs. 

I'm not sure what to think or what is going to happen later.

After we started back with DD the other night, I posted that HOH did NOT go easy on me.  I think he is of the mindset now that if he is going to do it, he is going to do it right!

We have company coming and I told him that I feel, if he agreed, that maybe we should do maintenance every night until they get here since we will have other people in the house.

Well the next day that I was suppose to have maintenance (remember the night before hurt like hell) he informed me that it was going to actually be discipline for 2 different things. 

Undressed, on the floor with ass up and legs spread.   He means business this time around! After that corner time.   I told him I think in all of our time having this lifestyle that these were 2 of the worse spankings ever.   There might be one other, but these 2 I feel were the worse.   He told me that he plans on doing them right.

Well the next day I was suppose to receive maintenance, but didn't because we got home really late and so we went to bed.   He informed me that the following day he would be making up for it.

Well yesterday, we got home late, and no maintenance.  I brought it to his attention and he seemed like it wasn't a big deal that he hasn't had the opportunity. 

For me, it makes me mad, and upset.   I can't explain exactly why because while DD is erotic and I think it helps connect us, those last 2 spankings hurt!!   So why am I insisting on it?? 

I guess because I feel like I am offering myself to him, it is a power exchange, and I am trying to follow his rules, and then handing myself to him to punish me for mistakes, breaking rules, but also to protect me.   Why is it we want/need this in our lives when it is humiliating?  I am giving myself to him, taking off my clothes when it's time for discipline and put in a humiliating position and allowing the person I love to beat my butt.   I allow it because I trust him, love him, and I want his protection, and I want to make him happy.  I am not sure any of that makes sense.

So why do I feel let down?  I feel like I have answered my own question but it still doesn't make sense to me.   Why do I want to be in a DD relationship?  Spanking hurt, yet sometimes turn me on even when it is for discipline.   Why do I feel like he should have found a way to go through with maintenance?  (we have kids, so us getting home late is why he didn't do it but I still think he should have found a way)

So anyway I was in a pissy mood last night, and then today he made me mad.  I told him that DD is off the table now.  He told me I was being unreasonable.   Then I told him about last night and maintenance and how it made me feel and he didn't respond.  So later I sent him another text apologizing and all he responded with "It's ok".   So then that made me mad and he said he is working and can't respond, so I told him I was sorry and I guess I should be more understanding.  Guess the reply I got?  Yep,  "Its ok"!  

So here we are!   I have no idea what to think.  

I will post back later with what we decide. 

Later DD Life Style-ers

Jane

We are back!

So we fell off the DD/TTWD/TiH train for a few months.......... we started distancing from each other, and then with no DD, there was more of a lack of connection.

I talked to HOH about it because I know it's what saved us before, because it gives that connection and a feeling of being loved by the wife, and for the HOH that power, being in control which he should be. 

HOH was reluctant at first because he said I would do things on purpose to get spanked before.

So last night we decided it was time to jump back on board.  I thought after a few months he might go easy on me. Wrong!  Oh so wrong!   He wore my butt out!  He remembered exactly what to do and how to do it and what glow he wanted to see.  OUCH!    

I admit that I feel and told him I think it is the right thing for us, and I DO!  However, it's hard  to submit when you feel so unconnected.  It's hard to take off your clothes and bend over to allow someone (even your HOH) to spank you when the two of you are just not connecting, to find that subjection to someone and being put in a vulnerable state.  

When it was said and done, it was for the best as we both agree!  I opened up and talked to him, and we both seem to be on the right track now. 

DD might not be for everybody, but it is for us.   There is a reason why divorces were so low in the 1950s - men had the right and acted on it to take his wife over their knee and give them a good whippin!   Men had the power, and women were in subjection.   If everyone did what they were suppose to and kept their roles then the house ran smooth.  But if something did go wrong, just like with everything in life, there is a consequence.