I'm here but don't know what to say........

I'm here and I don't know what to say.

This lifestyle works for us!  Every time we implement it, it works! 

Then somehow we get off track.

When we do I start feeling unbalanced.   I find myself not paying attention to the rules that were ONCE there, and letting my mind wonder and not respecting my HOH as much.  

I don't like this.

I have brought it back up to my HOH but I hate being the one to bring it up.   :(

Does anyone feel the need to have TiH, DD, CDD, LDD lifestyle to feel like you BELONG to your HOH? 

Maybe it's because of some past, recent issues I have been dealing with but I need that foundation, structure, feeling secure and like I belong to someone and they are going to protect me.

I have done so much research on this lifestyle and even though we KNOW it works for us, why can't we stick to it? 

We do good for months and then slip.

I was just about to write an ebook on it to help other couples starting out on this lifestyle, and that is still what I want to do.

With the above questions, how do you feel about the feeling of belonging to him?

~Jane   (Sorry I have been MIA)

Big trouble tonight!

Hey fellow DDers!

I hope y'all had a wonderful last few days! How is everyone?

Us over on the east coast got slammed with Pax!  Ouch!  But all is well!

Well I am in big trouble tonight.   I really screwed up!  :(   I feel so bad about it!  Last night I sent my HOH a text because I was aggravated saying "what the hell" and he didn't respond to it.   So, I didn't think much of it.  Well, this morning I didn't get up when I was suppose to.   Later in the morning today I get a text saying tonight I have 10 minutes coming, spanking and corner time due to my text last night and not getting up this morning.  :(

So now here I sit dreading and thankful for the discipline I have coming.  It is deserved, but I dread it also.   :(

I sent him a text about how sorry I was/am and I will submit (obviously) to anything and everything because I deserve it and have it coming.   I can't wait to get the slate clean and we can have a good weekend.

Jane

Did you have a good weekend?

First thing first!  I want to thank the few of you that have sent me some very kind helpful emails!   :)   I will be responding soon!

I hope your family has had a fabulous weekend.   We did!

Sadly tomorrow is Monday and HOH has to go back to work. :(

Question, do any of your write poetry?  I am working on one about DD life.  I will post it when it's done.   I am going to be including it in the ebook!

We have company coming over in a bit and hubby has already threatened to take me back to our bedroom and spank me if I get to a point that he doesn't like.  Yikes!!    Well, that ain't going to happen!  Ha!  I'm not getting in trouble and take the chance of them hearing!

Well, another beautiful weekend!  

((Hugs))

Jane

I am dreading tonight. :(

I am so dreading tonight!

As I posted below I have 5 or 7 minutes, I can't remember of a spanking and corner time.   :(

It amazes me how far we have come with this lifestyle and it just being the normal. 

It went from a few swats with a small, thin wooden spoon, to minutes and minutes of me on all 4 getting my rear wore out with a thick wooden spoon or whip thingy, or his belt.   He has gone from barely tapping my rear with that small spoon in the beginning to the point of seeing my butt glow because he knows why he is doing it, and lets just say he doesn't swat anymore.  He wears my butt out!  The rear is a place meant for spankings and he doesn't hold back that much.   

Plus the dreaded corner time I posted about below.  :(

Tonight is going to be horrible!   :(    But I will submit and I know I have it coming.   I also know he loves me and he is doing it out of love and after we will snuggle and watch TV together with the HOH who protects me, loves me, and will not let me run all over him.   My man who takes charge and is not afraid to put me in my place. 

I love him so much!   (But dreading tonight's discipline!)

I will post back tomorrow!

~  Jane

Long blog, sorry.

So I posted a few days ago about what was coming up today, "the big spanking" for disrespect. He wanted to wait on Tuesday (today) because of my period.  Well I talked to HOH a few days ago and asked him if he would please break it up over a few days, and he said he would think about it.   He finally told me that he would break it up for me. That disrespect the other day earned me 21 minutes, and not an easy 21 minutes. (that's not including anything I might get in trouble for)  He told me I wouldn't be able to sit for a week.   (That was when he was going to do it all on Tuesday.)

Plus, this spanking has been coming for a few days from when I acted disrespectful, and I feel bad for the disrespect.  It has just been lingering over my head, I felt/feel bad, and I needed to submit.  I needed some sort of discipline to start easing the guilt for my actions, to show him that I respect him and his power over me.  So I sent him some text messages explaining that.  I told him I would submit to any discipline action, no matter how humiliating and to please not wait until Tuesday. 

So last night I was working out and wasn't home, and that part was fine.  However we also had unexpected/expected (at the last minute) company last night.  So I come home, still sweaty and my back end cold and instantly he takes me into the other room and knew it was for some sort of discipline.  I kept telling him I needed a shower first and he said he knew that.  That didn't stop him, because of my text messages  and also due to the circumstances of having company, he was going to go through with giving me some sort of discipline. Which I am grateful to him for.   He told me to pull down my pants and panties ( because of limited time he didn't make me fully undress) and bend over.  (which I did, there was something in front of me to grab)  He took that wooden spoon and for 2 minutes gave me a good, hard, solid, deserved spanking. I think about 30 seconds into it I was crying because it hurt.  I kept reminding myself that it was deserved and it was for my disrespect and he didn't deserve that from me and that this is some of my discipline for it.  

So that took 2 minutes off of my 21 so far for the week.  So if I can manage to keep my mouth shut and follow the rules I have 19 minutes left for the disrespect.  

I have to say that I truly, with all my heart, love our DD, TiH, TTWD lifestyle/relationship.

It changes who each of us are in our relationship.  He is more dominant now than ever, (even before we fell off the wagon for a few months and restarted a few weeks ago) and I am more submissive and each day we are growing more and more into our roles.    We know our roles, we know who we are in our marriage.   It makes for a peaceful household, but also makes up so much more closer.

Yes, should I be submissive anyway?  Do I need the threaten of a spanking or whatever humiliating discipline he comes up with to "fit the infraction?"  Do I need this lifestyle to respect him?   The answer to these questions are yes, and no.

Yes I want to be submissive, but no its not easy.  Today we live in a world that women have to act equal and we simply are not.   That doesn't mean we are "lower" or a doormat, it means that the HOH  makes the rules and we abide by them.   

Do I need a threaten of a spanking?  Yes.  Because again we live in a world that forces it down your  throat to not answer to anyone.  So yes I need the threat of a spanking or some sort of discipline to keeps me in check reminding me that I do have someone to answer to, and that is my HOH.   I know my husband loves me enough to make sure that happens. 

I respect my HOH with or without this lifestyle.   However, my respect for my HOH grew by leaps and bounds when we started this lifestyle a year ago.  Then when we fell off the wagon for a couple of months, it was still there but not as strong, but still there nonetheless.   Now that we are back full force with our lifestyle, and that respect for him as a man, my owner, the HOH is deeper and stronger than it has EVER been.  

I love him more and more, and feel closer to him than ever.  I am his, and he takes care of me.  He loves me for everything that I am, and I love him!   I am not easy to handle, I am strong willed, sarcastic, and sassy, so his job is not easy, but he does it. 

So tonight it's 5-7 minutes of spanking for just that, and I hope I don't get into any other trouble or it will be longer, and this time we don't have any company so I know it will be worse.  I know it will be the entire spanking process, undressing and getting into position. 

While I am dreading it big time, (so dreading it)  I am also thankful for it because I want this discipline to go away along with that episode of horrible disrespect.  Once the final 21 minutes is over this week then I can stop feeling guilty about acting horrible to my HOH........until next time I run off at the mouth. 

I am the sort of person that runs off at the mouth first before thinking and that is what gets me in trouble, along with time management.    With that being said, I need to close out this blog before I get into more trouble. 

~Jane